Mentor Text - Essay Writing

Read this sample essay paragraph that earned an A+  on the last writing assignment by Bennett. You will be writing another one of these tomorrow. See if you can see why Bennett earned the highest grade. Comments welcome.


Oceans
by Bennett Smith

On a beautiful summer day John Drinkwater, a scuba diving specialist, prepares to explore the awesome oceans. A number of major oceans cover about 70% of our Earth’s surface. The largest ocean is the Pacific Ocean. Surprisingly, The Pacific Ocean is 69,000,000 square miles wide. While oceans themselves cover 70% of the Earth’s surface, the Pacific covers 30%. The deepest point, The Mariana Trench, can fit 28.7232 Empire State Buildings inside it. The Atlantic Ocean has various amounts of geological features. For instance, the Mid Atlantic Ridge runs right through the Atlantic Ocean. Another feature is the mysterious Bermuda Triangle that is located on the Atlantic. Additionally, there are lots of hydrothermal vents that squirt out waters form 500 – 780 degrees Fahrenheit. The Arctic Ocean is known for its cold waters. Astonishingly, in the winter the Arctic Ocean is mostly sea ice, but sometimes it forms glaciers. The salinity level increases in the Arctic because the water freezes and leaves the salt behind. Not only has global warming affected the water temperature, but also it affects animals’ habitat. From the ring of fire of the Pacific, to the Mid Atlantic Ridge of the Atlantic, and the bone chilling waters of the Arctic, oceans are one of the most interesting and fun topics people can learn about. John Drinkwater is all prepared, and he is finally ready to explore the amazing underwater world of his ocean.