Link to our visiting author's website.
http://www.ediehemingway.com/
Feel free to copy paste your drafts for comment.
Remember: You must bring BOTH a hard copy and a digital copy (on USB key or google docs) to work on tomorrow.
"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." Maya Angelou
50 comments:
austin said...
Do you have to follow the presentation policy? Also will this be graded? THANKS!
I don't get it when Mrs. Hemmeingway said to start a new paragraph with each person that talks in dioloauge... Can anyone help me?
Thanks
Lauren Williams
Is the first draft on our personal narrative our only homework?
-Nick
Mr. Buxton i am typing my narrative right now and its complety different than i have written down, can my hard copy be a typed up one? Can i just edit on the typed up paper? Thanks, Bekah
Kennedy- Nick this is only our first draft and it is our homework. The author will also help our classes with them too. So you don't need to worry about getting it all done tonight. I mean proof read and ready to be turned in
Kennedy- I loved the visiting author today! I can't wait for another session tomorrow to help me become a better author of myself. I have truly learned so much!
Lauren, when someone talks in diolauge, u just have to press enter and tab before the next person talks.
E.G.
"Do you want to do homework together?" said sarah.
"Sure!" replied molly.
hope this helps!
A screech whissles through my ears I knew it I could sence them a mile away. Someone is going to be adopted.
‘’ I hope its me “ said the ferrit
‘’ I hope its me I hope its me’’ cawed the parrotte
‘’ stop copying me”
‘’ stop copying me”
‘’ sorry I canr help it ‘’
what do you think its a start. it is from the perspective of a bunny
i will put in the bunny part later.
Mr. Buxton, what's the WILF for this assignment?
Do you have to divide this in paragraphs? Also when do you divide this in paragraphs? I think it's when an event changes. If you could answer it I would be thrilled! THANKS!
WILF
-Personal narrative
-Mixture of fig. and sensory language
-Clear description of setting, character, and emotion
-High use of advanced vocab.
Lauren, just open any reading book and see how dialogue is punctuated. We will study this after the holidays
Yes, Yes and Exactly -Austin!
Thanks, Kennedy. I got my google account under my name.
Does anyone know if we can have both our hard copies typed up? Thanks, Bekah
does the author come into our class again tomorrow or not?????? i have my entire draft done but i need to asked mrs. hemingway about a few things... THANKS!!!
Bekah, for tommorow u need to have a hard copy & the document saved on google docs or a usb
Tommorow is the last day that the author will be here beck
This is what I have so far
The Mystery of Alajuela
“What if the zip line tears, dad?” Scott asked.
“Don’t you worry son. This here thang ain’t never torn.” Tom, Scott’s dad, replied.
“ Okay, I trust you pap.”
Tom zipped down the line out of Scott’s sight. Scott could barely connect his harness to the line because his hands were trembling. He finally settled his fear and leapt off the platform heading towards the next. Suddenly, when Scott was in the middle of the ride, the line ripped in two. Scott, feeling as if his life was going to end, soared through the air like a bald eagle taking flight. He landed in between two mahogany trees. Green bushes filled Scott’s sight as he carefully crawled through. On the other side of the bushes, there was an army of people that were 2 inches tall. Chocolate covered blueberries fired out of the small cannons of the miniature army and splattered onto Scott’s brand new gray and white striped Abercrombie shirt. Ben, the leader of the army, insisted that Scott must help the citizens of the Tarcoles tribe get to the San Rafael Creek to tell the king, Mr. Smith, that a buffalo herd had trampled the Coco tribe.
Bennett,
spend more time describing the scene before boarding he ride.
Emotion not filtering through yet
Scott was in the middle of the ride, the line ripped in two. Scott, feeling as if his life was going to
describe this in more details - e.g.sounds were heard?
Hey, this is Cady. How is my personal narrative?
Third Grade Friends
As I, Cady, walked to Founders’ Hall with Mrs. Russell’s third grade class, I thought about Charlotte Latin School and the year I had had so far. Those thoughts carried me until the class got to the lunchroom. Looking for a place to sit was hard because I didn’t have numerous friends. Wind from the cafeteria fans blew through my blond hair while my blue eyes scanned the lunchroom. I saw my classmates choosing a seat. The boys were debating over which football team was better. Girls were swapping stories. The smell of pizza came to my nose. Everyone was talking and laughing. My eyes finally landed on a table by the window. Shaw, Nick, Jack, David, and Quin were already sitting there. Since I usually sat with the boys, the table was perfect for me. As I sat down, Ashley jumped in beside me. As all of us started talking, a smile spread across my face. I had found where I belonged.
Here is the rest:
At the lunch table that day, I felt that I had found friends. The realization that all of us had brought a different quality to the group hit me. Shaw and Nick had brought leadership while Jack and David brought the funny and emotional side. Quin represented story-telling and I was kind and considerate. Ashley put art and creativity into the group as well. Even though Ashley and I were a different gender than the rest, we got along well.
Right after lunch, Mrs. Russell’s class went outside to recess. As I ran out of the classroom outside, I noticed that some of my classmates were shivering and rubbing their hands together. The boys went to play football while the girls talked and played kickball. During lunch, the group and I decided that we were going to play tag at recess. By pure luck, I ended up being it. When I looked up, I noticed Nick’s red hair and Quin’s amusing smile. I charged toward them before Nick and Quin made a run for it. When I got to the equipment, all the boys were already on top of it. As soon as I got up there, they scrambled down. During the chase, Ashley hung back from the rest of us. I called to her, “Ashley, come and play tag! I’m it.” She edged closer as I ran like a cheetah in the direction of Ashley. She tried to run, but I was too fast. I tagged her. Immediately, Ashley started chasing Nick. Nick opened his eyes wide and scrambled up the equipment. Soon I figured out that Ashley had a few tricks up her sleeve for tagging someone. In only one minute, she caught someone. It seemed as if I was the slowest in tag. But I proved my new friends wrong when I surprised them by hiding before tagging, like a lion pouncing on a victim. Almost every day after, we played tag.
The table by the window became our own private table. Shaw, Nick, Jack, David, Quin, Ashley, and I almost always sat at that table. During lunch, we usually talked about who was it for tag or tell a dream that we had last night. Sometimes the boys talked among themselves and Ashley and I talked by ourselves. But we mostly talked together. Sometimes strange occurrences happened to us. One strange incident that happened to us was the flying pen.
The lunch started out very normal. Then from the high school kids’ section came a loud POP. The entire dining hall stopped talking. A second later, every person started talking again. Five minutes later, the POP happened again. The cafeteria froze before talking again. At that moment, a ballpoint pen, open, came flying down from the high school section. It flew right at Quin’s head. He moved at just the right second as the pen landed in his chair where Quin had been a second ago. I stood up and went to talk to Mrs. McAlister. “Mrs. McAlister, a pen just came down from up there.” I said, pointing to the high school kids’ section. “What?!” she said. “Let me see.” At that point, a high schooler came down to our table, apologized, took the pen, and left.
After all of the adventures I had in third grade, I decided third grade was the best year of my life. But there was more to come. Fourth grade with Mrs. Rinehart and Mrs. Hodges separated the group. David and I ended up in Mrs. Rinehart’s class while Shaw, Nick, and Jack were with Mrs. Hodges. Ashley and Quin both ended up in Mrs. Latham’s group of students. In fifth grade, almost all of us ended up in the same class. Shaw, Nick, David, Ashley, Quin, and I were in Mrs. Graham’s class while Jack was across the hall. Someday, we will all be in the same class again, and we’ll have more adventures, like in third grade.
Here is mine
Please comment
Am i missing any wilf
i do need some more vocab
My Narrative - First Draft
“Do I have to swim in the this meet?” I asked yelling down the wooden oak stairs of my house. “Of course you do honey, just get your suit on because in a few minutes we have to leave.” replied my mom slowly turning the pages of her book. I sighed, reaching out for my blue Nike bathing suit. I swim for the Providence Plantation Piranhas, and was recently chosen to swim in the All Star meet. Sprinting down to the kitchen, a smile spread across my face seeing relatives all around.“It’s time to go,” I inquired staring up into my mother’s gleaming eyes. “Yes, Eliza,” announced my dad heading toward the door. The ride downtown to the M.A.C. took a long while. Walking into the pool’s building, the chlorine erhoma sent deep thoughts of nervousness through my mind. The kind lady at the front desk directed us to where my family and I were supposed to go. My dad quickly pushed open the big metal door to the pool, I squinted at the sight. Seeing hundreds of swimmers from all different clubs made my jaw drop. I felt as though I was frozen solid in my spot, but my mom managed to drag me to my team. Our team, Providence Plantation, had fifteen minutes to warm up before the meet began. Feeling the icy cold waters, my body woke up for the real race. I gave a sigh of relief as I heard the announcer call for the 7-8 girls and boys to swim. Having some time, I chatted with my old friends. Finally, I heard my call and headed down the damp bleachers filled with families. As I reached the diving block, I started getting visitors congratulating me and wishing me good luck. I looked to both sides and saw two girls both taller and more athletic than I was. Before I knew it, I was told to step up onto the rough block. I took in a gulp of details. First of all, the room I was in was like a dome with its tall ceiling. Not only did I hear the cheers of the crowd but also the sound of my heart beating rapidly. As my fingertips clung to the end of the diving block, I tried to ignore my fear. The starter beeped as I soared into the water like a dolphin. My strokes were strong which glided me across the pool. As I inched closer and closer to the end, time slowed. I blocked out all the cheers except for my families that comforted me. Before I knew it I was climbing out of the pool done. “What place did I get? I asked pleadingly. “First, I think,” replied the timer lazily. “Really?” I announced. “Promise,” he said grinning. Not too bad I thought while hugging my family excitedly.
good job Cady!!! =~)
Here is the rest of mine!!!
Scott didn’t know what to do, so he decided to make a bet with Ben. If Scott helped the tribe get to the other side of the creek, Ben would have to tell him the way to the zip line base. Ben agreed to the deal.
Scott ripped a piece of bark off of the nearest Mahogany tree and laid it down for the Tarcoles tribe to cross. Ben thanked Scott and told him the way to the zip base.
“Go south on the purple rock road after you had walked in between the two mahogany trees. When the coconut tree appears, turn right and proceed until you hit a waterfall. Cross that creek then follow the riverbank. Once you hit the Hunters Mansion, turn left. Keep walking until you find a small hut sitting on a tiny island. The small hut is the zip base.”
“Okay, That was very confusing, but I’ll get there someday, hopefully.” Scott answered.
Scott set off on his long journey to the zip base. He found the purple road. Out of nowhere, Black Howler Monkey’s were dropping coconuts of Scott’s head. In Scott’s head, that meant turn right. Moments later, Scott found himself drenched in water about to cascade down a 280 foot tall waterfall. Luckily, Scott grabbed hold of a tree branch and pulled himself out of the bone-chilling water right before his life was ended. He slowly followed the riverbank while chattering his teeth. The Hunters Mansion was the biggest house Scott had ever seen, but Scott finally ended his amazement and turned left. A tiny hut on an island reached Scott’s sight. The only problem was Scott couldn’t get across. Scott ended up making a log raft and finally met his family again in the hut.
yours is pretty good bennett
are you going to tell more about the tiny tribe?
Eliza, I'm trying not to make the tiny tribe one of the main focuses
Another thing Bennett
give more description about how the catastrophe happened
and how did the tribe get stuck?
what were some of his emotions?
Hello! I know we are supposed to have a hard copy but can our hard copy be typed i really need 2 know and would appriecate if someone anwsered PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tossed on my heavy Lakers jacket and heaved my feet out the door. I smelt the fresh aroma of flowers and a clean car infiltrate my nose. Sitting up front was my mom and dad, so I had to sit next to my brother, Robin, in the back. My dada went and loaded the trunk, while my mother put the key in the keyhole, and turned it clockwise. Excitement filled my head and Heart. I was going to the Bahamas!
Gas vroomed out the exhaust pipe like Usain Bolt running the 50-meters in the Olympics. Once we reached the airport, my dad got out of the driver’s seat, and then took our bags to the check-in. After that and a good 2 hours waiting, we finally boarded our flight. The takeoff and landing were the same, and they both felt like trying to get up after you had been spun 5000 times in a rotating chair! During the flight, I had fallen asleep, dreaming of the many wonders ahead. I was soon awakened by the voice of the captain. “We will be landing this plane in 10 minutes, please fasten your seatbelts and don’t leave the floor at any minute, the bathrooms are closed, and please keep your boards behind the person in front of you in and up-right position.” Looking out of my window, I saw a breathtaking view of the islands of Bahamas, surrounded by iridescent, aquamarine waters and, unsullied beaches filled with sand like snow! The takeoff and landing were the same, and they both felt like trying to get up after you had been spun 5000 times in a rotating chair!
We landed in Capital city of Nassau. Being welcomed by natives dressed in colorful festive clothes, and warm welcoming smiles,
also does this narrative sound okay its part one?~
Slicking back my soon to be wet hair I pull on a bright orange suit. Stepping on the bus I find a plush seat next to my sister. While sitting on the cold worn out seat a flashback of the safety precaution movie rushed in my mind. Remembering the details of the movie tears flood in my eyes making a pool of water on the already wet seat. Biting my nails an annoying habit of mine I think in my head “What if it was me who fell out of the raft onto a hard rock. With me having to protect my self in the same way I protect my self from a tornado.” Sobbing with it sticking in my throat my guide steps over and saying to me in the assuring way my mom talks she says “Don’t worry with me you’ll be safe”. Just those words comforted me making a crystalline feeling in me.
Meanwhile the rumbling of gravel stops beneath as the bus creaks to a stop. Mumbling, “Excuse me” I get out of the buff crowd of people. The moment I step out of the bus anxiety fills again inside me again. Beside me sits a booming river making a thunderous sound. An old man whispers in my ear “That’s the nanathala river the best one yet”. “Wow” I never knew some people thought of the river that way. Looking at it for myself, everything about the river seems to get bigger each glance. Oblong rocks sit swiftly making it seem as if they’re about to be pulled away by the sheen river. Eyeing it closely the river looks polished like a diamond although it runs through the woods like a cheetah. It was as if I was in my own world.
Freezing air prickling my skin makes me jump out of my thoughts. Jumping smack into a yellow tube with my family paddles pass through the raft as I get a miniscule one. Jittery walking to find a spot, we take off. “Here we go” yelled Kim, our tour guide, with her polished hair gleaming against the sun. Down the river we seemed to rush as if we were walking on water.
Tranquil birds such as blue jays, cardinals, and robins chirped down the river with us. Sights passing we see a fluffy, floating, freezing otter bobbing along with the water. Hissing of water snakes pass beneath us with piercing sounds of excited screams. A weak feeling makes my stomach drop as we hit rocks just barely missing the chance to tip us all over into the fiery cold water. Slowing down, the fizzing river pauses making my world pause to. Finally I had a chance to visual glance at the chestnut trees without it being a blur. As cool as a cucumber Kim, seems to have a bubbly smile on her face twittering the words “Its almost time for the best one yet”.
Here is the second part~Shocked with my mouth gaped open I respond with just a faint whisper” There’s a bigger one?” my throat clogging I knew I wasn’t ready. The melodious river was sure not to calm me. “Lets do it” said the rhythmic voices of my sisters. Envy filled my emptiness “How could they always be so brave?” I didn’t know. Wheezing in my stomach, Kim says lets take off. The stinging in my eyes occurred again “What if I got hurt?” neither my yelling nor crying would help me there. Sobbing inside but not out I decide to not worry. “ I had gotten this far right?”
Forcing my hands to hold onto the greasy, clammy, raft I close my dark brown eyes thinking happy thoughts to make the raw feeling go away. Before I knew it the slapping of water hits my face making a grainy feeling. “Its over” yelled my shivering family. Thoughts jump around in my head as fast as a cloud changing shapes in the sky. “Had I really done it? Was it really all over? That wasn’t so bad!” Many more thoughts came from that as I realized what I had done, I had faced my fear. Fears melting away like a waxy candle I silently sing songs of joy in my head. At that moment the greasy raft wasn’t so bad and I didn’t mind the pungent smell of fish laid on the aqua water. Facing my fears hadn’t been that hard and I hoped to overcome obstacles many more times in my life. “Just remember, you can do anything you set your mind to, but it takes action, perseverance, and facing your fears”-Gillian Anderson
Part 2: Sorry, i forgot to label the first one, the first one was part 1
with musicians playing instruments like the drums and tuba, made me feel exhilarated! . After we made it past the security checkpoint, we boarded a limousine that was white and black. It sort of reminded me of an old movie, made around the 1900s. The thrilling ride in the limousine through the bubbly streets of Nassau City, finally took us to our destination of Atlantis Resort in the Paradise Island. My mouth fell agape the second I reached our hotel.
Atlantis! The spectacular Bahamas Resort in the middle of Paradise Island, was an exquisite piece of architecture! Surrounded by expansive lagoons, multitude of water rides, myriads of water falls and the underwater ruins of Atlantis itself, Atlantis was truly beautiful! After swiftly checking in, we went to our room which was spacious and luxurious! It had a very old fashioned floor and was covered in an interesting piece of carpet that was dull and had earthy colors. Alluring fountains with horse and Dolphin sculptures adorned the floors.
The next day, Robin and I explored the entire kingdom of water-worlds. Just looking at the maze of long tubes wound my eyes in circles. Numerous pools of varying shapes and sizes, lagoons filled with variety of marine life including some with predators like sharks, sting rays and barracudas, huge waterscapes filled with beautiful tropical fish, flooded my brain with excitement.. The long brown and green tubes that seemed to stretch across the entire world were here, at my fingertips!
Swarms of people everywhere, buzzing with excitement stood impatiently to go on water rides. The scariest ride was called the “Abyss”. After laboriously climbing several flights of stairs I reached the top. When
Part:3
I reached the apex of the ride, my heart skipped a beat! I turned pale and my knees turned jello. I knew I had made a blunder. I remember my brother cynically saying, “Don’t be a woosie, you can do it,” and that’s when I learned not to trust him ever again! My turn came, and I stood in front of the slide oblivious to the danger ahead! When I went down, I was in a free-fall in a black tube that never seemed to end for basically 3 second,! It was like falling down a never-ending mountain like Mt. Everest!
Now, I was truly in an Abyss! Swaying my arms vigorously, desperately trying to hold on to something, my heard pumping out of my chest, my mouth completely dry, I knew that there was no turning back! Finally, my feet felt ground and I slid into a small narrow water alley, the Exit …which was now my escape to freedom!. In my head I made a mental note: Never go on a ride that you feel is too dangerous.
Day 3 at this Bahamian island was quite different. I was surprised to find out that I was going to a small lake in the South part of our hotel. Dressed in a black and yellow stiff and heavy wetsuit, I trudged in the deep water, to the Dolphin Cove. Seeing three dolphins swimming around the surface of the pond doing amazing tricks, I felt a mixed emotion of disbelief and envy. It’s not fair that they can do flips and twists and turns in the water, why can’t I?? I infiltrated the water with a cannonball. Splash, crash! The waves lashed in all different directions. I wadded out of the water and spat out the salty water out on the sandy sea shore. The dolphin I got assigned to was named Biminey. He had a gray, soft, and smooth body. When it was my turn to play with the dolphin, I was able to throw a blue bal. The second it left my hand, he was off to the races!! I also fed him some crispy
bekah, you need a hard copy (that can be typed) and a digital copy like on a USB or google docs
bennett, on the comment I made above the comment I made last was made while you put up your other sections of your narrative so i didn't know about the rest, sorry. (that was a handful of words)
Part:4 I spent lots of time on these ones, hope you enjoy!
fish, that he ravenously devoured! It was thrilling and electrifying to be on the spot with a dolphin!
After spending 5 days, in the Paradise Island, I realized it was time to go. With a very heavy heart, I gathered my things, and put them in a bag. My heart said, “stay here, stay here”, but my head told me,” Time to go back to Math, Science and Humanities! When the plane took off, and I took one last look at paradise island balls of water rolled down my cheek. Seeing the pictures in the camera, I remembered that I will be frozen in that time, FOREVER!
Nice Job Eliza! You have amazing descripition
Thanks you SOOOOO much Thomas i was very confused!!!!!
Bekah, YOURS IS AMAZING
-so descriptive
-gets all of the wilf
Eliza
thank you bekah
Thanks a lot! i completly revised then what i had before
Were the pages in our Writing 'Beyond' the Lines booklet and the page in math our only homework???
Nick we still have to finish the vocabulary excersice in our vocab book
Thanks, Bekah.
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