Checklist: Can you name the structural and transitional moves you made? Are you using stronger or weaker structural moves?
A piece from last year to look at:
Essay: Who Am I?
Notice how Meagan does a really nice job of 'showing' a scene - not TELLING. Look at the specific word choice that creates imagery.
It was around 4:30 in the afternoon. on September 22nd The day before my mom's birthday, and I didn’t have a gift for her. She wasn't home, so I went into her closest and reached up to the birthday supplies. I grabbed the dark and light purple tissue paper and closed the green box. Needing scissors and pipe cleaners, I went to the art supply closet right next to the front door and got the scissors and pipe cleaners. I went into my room and got to work. I got the scissors and the tissue paper and cut the purples into squares, all of equal sizes. folded the paper in half, unfolded it and did an accordion fold. When I finished the folding, I wrapped the middle of the paper with the pipe cleaner and opened the paper. I started to lift up the paper layer by layer. When I finished with all six layers I started to fluff up the paper and it started to look more like a rose. When my mom’s birthday came the next day I gave her my little roses.
Other Examples
Other Examples
- Anecdote with Reflection at End (Lois Lowry"1946")
- Box and Bullets Student Example
