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Monday, December 7, 2009

Brag Sheet - Midwest Region Essay

Below is one of the few essays that scored the highest grade in the recent class writing assignment. Read this essay 'very' carefully and look how effectively it introduced a variety of 'unique' facts about the Midwest in an engaging and interesting way. Also note the use of GRAAB and SSS. I did make a few changes in red as examples of how you can all avoid repeating the name of the region continually through your essays and the word 'many'.(Hint Hint nudge Nudge...This is an excellent example of  the type of answer that will be required for Thursday's Midwest Test essay!)

Explain why the Midwest is referred to the "Unique region" in the US

By Ryan Ensor

As the glaciers melt away, in time the hairy buffalo slowly trot onto the plains with Nomad Indians close behind onto what will soon become one of the most distintive regions of a new country. There are a variety of reasons why the Midwest is referred to as the “Unique Region” of the US. Impressive historical monuments can be found nestled across this part of the nation. The Midwest may not be home to New York’s Statue of Liberty, or Arizona’s Grand Canyon, but Mount Rushmore is known throughout the world and has become South Dakota’s claim to fame.  Mount Rushmore portrays George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, and Theodore Roosevelt. It attracts a plethora of tourists everyday to stare at the carved faces in the side of the Mountain. The Crazy Horse Memorial is as important to Indian heritage as Kitty Hawk in the Southeast is to the Wright Brothers. The Crazy Horse Memorial is a huge statue of a horse and rider, although this marvel is not yet complete. The Sand Hills, located in Nebraska, are three hundred feet tall. These monuments are just some of the many marvels in the Midwest.

Sports teams, hot air ballooning, and winter sports are all popular hobbies in the Midwest. The Minnesota Twins are as important to Minnesota as the Red Sox are to Boston. The Ohio State Buckeyes and Wisconsin Badgers are popular college teams from Ohio and Wisconsin respectively.  Alternatively, multi colored hot air balloons filled the sky as they soar during a typical midwestern summer festival. Hot air ballooning is a popular pastime for  residents and visitors to the area alike and is also enjoyed nation wide! In most places, hot air ballooning is scarce, and this is one of the reasons the Midwest is so unique. Additionally, ice fishing, ice hockey, and ice skating are very fun for winters in across the land areras bordering the Great Lakes. In fact, ice fishing is as uncommon for other regions as a blizzard hitting the Florida coastline would be.

The history of the Midwest is as interesting as the history of the whole country. Glaciers, huge frozen blocks of ice, once covered the entire Interior Plains flattening mountains and trees. When the glaciers cleared away, buffaloes and Indians came on to the now settle in the Plains. Soon the French came into the Midwest exploring and looking for land to take for their own. In 1803, The US concluded the Louisiana Purchase.

To conclude, the Midwest is unique in many ways.  Mount Rushmore, Minnesota Twins, and hot air ballooning are just a few resons. As the red, white, and navy blue Minnesota Twins compete in the World Series foreign tourists gape at the granite faces of Mount Rushmore. The crowd roars in triumph when the Twins win the World Series making their mark on history, and the tourists realized what a unique region the Midwest truly is.

61 comments:

  1. Can somebody tell me what everyone did in class today? I was out sick!

    Thanks!

    Caroline M

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  2. Caroline- We did poetry. Our homework is to type a 13 line poem about yourself on the inside and on the outside.

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  3. I really liked how you integrated SSS techniques and GRAAB sentences in your writing. Awesome Job Ryan!!!

    -ansley

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  4. Mr. Buxton I can not get on google docs what do I do?

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  5. For the 13 lines do the title, name, and enter spaces count?

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  6. Mr. Buxton,

    My printer is broken so can i just hand write it?

    ~Sarah Neely

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  7. Are these good categories.... hobby's and sport? How many catergories do we need? For the Poem!!

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. I don't get how to write about yourself
    Abigail

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  10. Abigak, we need six diffrent categories. For your second question say that the catagory was personality you would write in figurative languege what other people think about your personality then you would write what you think your personality is. Ex. I think your kind so you would write that in figurative languege but then you write who you really are inside

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  11. Mr.Buxton,
    did you get my writing for the blog, because I sent it to you but sometimes google docs doesn't work.

    Maddie

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  12. Abigal, also I think hobbies is a good one but sports would be harder to write about.

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  13. Mr. Buxton, do we need to label the topics on our poems???????


    McCarthy

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  14. Ok,

    I'm also confused so what are some catigories that you guys are doing. Like for example i did as one of my catigories FEELING is that ok because i can't think of catigories that can fit in the inside (sub-title) and in the outside (sub-title)

    So my point is can someone please give me several examples of catigories that can fit in both sub-titles
    And once i have a few if i like any of them i might use them if thats okay...???

    Thanks,
    ~Sarah

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  15. Paisley,
    You have to have 13 lines of actual writing, and that does not include the title.

    Ansley

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  16. Why hobbies????????




    PLEASE EXPLAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ~Sarah

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  17. What would be other good topics to do
    Abigail

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  18. Sarah,
    One of my categories was hobbies. So, I've written about what other people think I like to do, and what I really like to do.

    Ansley

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  19. McCarthy,

    We might, but i don't think we are because we are using Sensory and Figurative languge SO DON'T use TELLING use SHOWING

    ~Sarah

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  20. Please explain...

    Arn't we suposed to have the same catogiries for outside and inside?????????????

    I might be wrong, but please some one EXPLAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ~Sarah

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  21. I am confused on the poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Abigail

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  22. My topics are attentiveness, (people think i listen, but i could care less on people's opinions) ;kindness(only a select group of people know how "kind" I can be sometimes); intelligence ect.

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  23. Sarah,
    Yes, but you have 6 categories.
    For each of those categories you need 2 lines except for 1 category that should have 3 lines. One of the lines for each category should be about the outside and one should be about the inside. I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure I'm right.

    -Ansley

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  24. Thanks Sarah!!!!!!!! Also I think we do some sentences inside and some outside about the same topic in one paragraph............ Ansley i thought he said 4 to 8 sentences for one topic.....



    McCarthy

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  25. Sarah, for my topics I did personality cause people might think I'm this but I'm really this then I did hobbies apperence spare time activites family and fav. color

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  26. I don't get how Mr.Buxton would know which one is your inside and which is you outside

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  27. McCarthy, but then the there would be way more then 13 lines

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  28. Sabrina, I really liked some of your topics..... can i use one or two



    McCarthy

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  29. o ok thanks Ansley and Sabrina!

    McCarthy

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  30. Me



    Yes! Yes! Yes! Another A+
    The crowd bursts into applause as the bassist puts down his bow
    Staying up playing Monopoly
    Crack! The golf ball hits the green with a welcome thud.

    Little blond bros.
    Eyes like the ocean; hair like the beach
    As calm as a gentle sea

    Carrying his intelligence with him
    A great architect of the future
    Snuggled up in a chair, reading into tomorrow

    Gnats floating around him
    Bubbling with outward excitement
    Caring towards everyone around him
    Alex


    Is this a good poem?
    Alex

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  31. Alex, I thought it was really good!!!!!!! What were your topics


    McCarthy

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  32. at least you won't be embarresed. My begginning is like your's, but i critisize myself in a lot of ways in the inner aprt. Nice Job(:

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  33. Alex, the thing with your's is that it doesn't say what your inside is.

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  34. Maddie... i couldn't access you writing... try and send it again please.

    Alex.. little too much telling in your poem...could you make some couplets (x2 lines)rhyme...?

    Can't 'feel' any difference between your 'outside' and 'inside' - is it with you... what you see is ehat you get?

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  35. Would school work be a good topic
    Abigail

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  36. So let me get this straight,

    Our topics DO have to be the same on the inside and outside or can they be different?????????????????

    I still don't get hobbies... can you have hobbies on the inside because i know you can have them on the outside...

    Is feeling a good topic... like some one is loud and enthustiastic at school but on the inside he/she really builds up a lot of courage to do those things?

    Also what also wait... now i understand

    So hobbies could be like someone could think i like music but i really like soccer so those are like my hobbies

    Music- trombone
    Soccer- spring and fall challenge

    So lets say you didn't know i played soccer would that be considered inside?????

    ...but then you knew i played trombone so that would be considered outside??????

    Am i right on all of this?????

    Also one more thing; Hayen, will you please give me some more clear explimations on 'kindness'

    Thanks Guys,

    ~Sarah

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  37. School work how would that work on the inside and outside?????

    ~Sarah

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  38. Enjoy! Please comment



    The Real Me

    Acts like the burning sun shining on Phoenix
    Shines in the classroom like a star on a clear night
    Attentiveness of an eagle waiting for fishes
    Basketball passes show glimpses of Chris Paul

    Effort of a first grader lifting a heavy weight
    The joy that Santa brings
    Acts like a werewolf waiting to pounce on a prey
    Clueless sometimes like a mouse on a street
    A adult with no rest listening

    A future mind-reader
    Effort of a popular kid who cares about sports
    A teenager with no sleep
    The envy that is The Grench

    By: Hayden
    Hunley

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  39. Sarah, for hobbies some people might think you like soccer but inside you like horseback riding thast was an example

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  40. wait, im confused now. are we supposed to have 6 paragrphs or only 3 with 2 or 3 lines in them????????????????? HELP!



    McCarthy

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  41. Mr.Buxton when you say 13 lines does that mean each little line or each paragraph thingy

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  42. Also would you put your in and out in the same paragraph thing?

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  43. would this be a good poem?

    Inside Out Poem

    Resembling a cube, people see a square.
    Some characteristics nobody would proud to share.

    From the outside people see a ditzy blonde.
    Yet I try harder in school than a featherless bird does to fly.

    Rainy days blow through my skies when my brother stirs up trouble,
    Undiscovered underneath layers nobody can tell my feelings, like an onion.

    ‘ Tomboy’ doesn’t fit me.
    ‘Girly girl’ doesn’t quite work, either

    Like a snowstorm in summer, you never know what to expect.
    Like the sun, always thinking of the bright side.

    Like a hawk, always soaring for personal best.
    Like a dog, always obedient, and at your side

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  44. Mr.Buxton, can you have two outs and than one in for each topic?

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  45. that is AMAZING maddie!!!!

    -juliana

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  46. dOES RIDER RHYME WITH CLOVER? Yes, Mr. Buxton with me what you see is what you get.
    Alex

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  47. Is mine an okay poem:

    On the Outside Looking in

    A silk, chocolate mane dangled down my back
    Coffee eyes like a cup of hot coco
    Bountiful lashes as free as a bird
    Rose lips tired from a talkative day

    A sphere dribbled at my feet
    The bark of the ball hit my racket
    Pads of paper or pencils galore
    Stacks of books piled tall

    My heart filled with joy
    My mind filled with determination
    My soul filled with hope
    My stomach filled with butterflies

    I am who I am...
    On the outside looking in

    -Juliana
    P.S. anyone can comment (PLEASE)

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  48. Wow! Juliana that was really good!!!!!!!!!!



    McCarthy

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  49. Me, myself, and I PLEASE COMMENT!!!!


    Crowding my face, brown spots are scattered on my nose, my rosy cheeks, and my teal mysterious eyes like cheetah spots
    Fragile skin wraps around my small body like a warm blanket in the winter time
    Blonde springs shoot out of my head in every direction

    A hyena’s laugh; a smile shinning like the moon
    Tears of frustration, confusion, and despair
    Bright, red cheeks of embarrassment and worries of the future

    The thrill pounding in my heart as the cold, rushing water touches my bare legs
    A black and white spinning ball soaring into the large, hanging net
    My stomach stumbling back in forth as I do a back flip on the bouncy, black circle

    Just a small family of four, but when you observe you will see much more
    Blonde and a loving person, the queen of the house takes charge
    The funny, outgoing king is a great substitute teacher for some confused students at home
    My sister, loving but irritating, wonders around the house up to no good.

    The sand itches my feet as I step upon the beach feeling relieved to forget about the work and worries at home
    The fall comforting leaves fall upon me as I sit in the lime green grass looking up at my house.

    The aromas of the sugar and chocolate run up my nostrils as I bite in the Tollhouse famous recipe
    The creamy, brown peanut flavor makes my taste buds explode with joy
    Spices, steam, and hot tortillas make me feel anxious to bite the first bite

    DO U THINK ITS TO LONG??? PLEASE TELLME IF SO!!!!!

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  50. McCarthy- that is prob. 3x too long

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  51. Me, myself, and I
    Crowding my face, brown spots are scattered on my nose and my teal mysterious eyes like cheetah spots
    Fragile skin wraps around my small body like a warm blanket in the winter time
    Blonde springs shoot out of my head in every direction

    A hyena’s laugh; a smile shinning like the moon
    Tears of frustration, confusion, and despair
    Bright, red cheeks of embarrassment and worries of the future

    The thrill pounding in my heart as the cold, rushing water touches my bare legs
    A black and white spinning ball soaring into the large, hanging net
    My stomach stumbling back in forth as I do a back flip on the bouncy, black circle

    Blonde and a loving person, the queen of the house takes charge
    The funny, outgoing king is a great substitute teacher
    My sister, loving but irritating, wonders around the house up to no good.

    The sand covers my feet as I step upon the beach feeling relieved to forget
    The fall comforting leaves fall upon me as I sit in the lime green grass looking up at my house.

    The aroma of chocolate runs nostrils biting in the Tollhouse famous recipe
    The creamy, brown peanut flavor makes my taste buds explode with joy
    Spices, steam, and hot tortillas make me feel anxious to bite the first bite is it still way to long

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  52. still really long only supposed to be about 12 lines
    Abigail

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  53. nice job RyAn E.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  54. Man after reading that whole thing not just scanning, RYAN ENSOR you did a phenomenal job!!!!!

    Thanks that really showed me a good essay.

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  55. Man after reading that whole thing not just scanning, RYAN ENSOR you did a phenomenal job!!!!!

    Thanks that really showed me a good essay.

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  56. Sorry i pressed 'Publish Your Comment' 2 times

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  57. hey mr b. alex told me about this. its cool. i miss 5th grade so much! we have a ton of work and tests in 7th ugh and the math exam any way i sud get working on the project due tomorrow. be expecting more posts from me
    -sally tate meacham

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