I just wanted to share with you Austin F's. brilliant way of integrating poetry into her narrative writing. She also ended her piece with the line.
Falling for the NutcrackerAs I collapse, my face hits the hard wooden floor in the dark, silent backstage hallway and my tutu is crushed. A river of pain leaps into my ankle, and the pride in my heart becomes a sense of clumsiness. The fall makes the black walls spin like an optical illusion. I can't even move my foot to get up, or a sting shoots through my leg like a bullet grazing through a deer's heart. It feels like my leg was just smashed by a boulder.
"Remember," I thought about Maya Angelou's poem, "Shadows on the wall, noises down the hall, life doesn't frighten me at all." Lying there, I am as helpless as a newborn baby even though I am eight years old. "How have I even ended up in this mess?" I ask myself.
33 comments:
This is what I have....
Comments needed
A Zeppelin of Dreams
Departing from London, England
Lakehurst, New Jersey was were it was to land
Stretching out 800 feet
When the mission was almost complete
At 7:25
When the Hindenburg almost arrive
From the Zeppelin ropes dropped
The gas became flames and hopes had stopped
The giant zeppelin lit on fire
The bystanders thought it would be a minor
35 out of 97
Lost their lives and went to heaven
To many people hydrogen was the reason
But to others skin was what pleased them
The real cause is unknown
Even though scientist have shown
good, but try to use more figurative language.
here's what i have so far. . .
Destroyed is my city,
And dead are my people,
Flashbacks are playing in my head
Floating upon a cloud,
Ashes to ashes; dust to dust.
Sloshing water jumped to my face,
Walking back to my family from the lake,
Something tragic was about to happen,
All the villagers would leap into a firey death.
Ashes to ashes; dust to dust
the other one had somthing wrong with it
I opened the doors to the crowd
They poured in me like angry hounds
Packing me the people knew
That they were in for something new
TV broadcasters with cameras ready
Olympics had started slow and steady
Opening ceremony at its peak
All the athletes ready to compete
The marathon starts with a boom
And the runners go ‘zoom zoom’
Of the block the swimmers dive
To the finish they arrive
One by one the paddles rolled
Trying hard to get the gold
Once done, they are recognized
By the metals held most prized
I closed my doors to the to the crowd
They poured out of me like angry hounds
As the athletes had there final pose
The Beijing Olympics came to a close
Bennett, good, but much more figurtive lanugauge needed
Does this sound okay its what i have Mr.B said im on the right track........
Night twinkling over
Boiling men dressed in scars
Marching like soldiers
All ready to strike
Wooden oars hitting water
Piercing Tomahawks about to slaughter
Tax being tipped
King Henry can’t bear
Scolding of tea splashing water
Roaring of tax haters
Cool air, brushes by
Everyone replies a chattering cry
Next morning tea floats
So they ride out on boats
Hitting the beverage
There’s now no float age
Taxes have sunken
This is my poem on Abraham Lincoln. Comments welcome! HOPE U ENJOY!!!
Belonging to the Ages
Here with my wife,
Expressing feelings throughout my life.
The theater was a monster;
It was my killer’s helper.
Belonging to the ages.
Footsteps thumped.
So scared, I jumped.
Then, he pulled the trigger.
Death flickered into my soul.
Belonging to the ages.
He jumped the rail and I felt his pain.
The doctors tried to make me strain,
But obviously, they failed.
And all of the killers were jailed.
Belonging to the ages.
Goodbye World,
I’ve had my fun.
I guess that now in life,
I am done.
Belonging to the ages.
Beck - you are doing an EVENT not a person.. I think you are doing it from te wrong perspective.
poets... you need to get rid of the was/were in your work
The Final Moments of Pompeii
I know it's a few more lines than Mr. Buxton asked for, so I'm trying to condense it some more. This is my first draft
Aug 24th, 79 A.D , In Italy, Pompeii, a city so splendid
People did not know that their life was about to be ended
They were pulling weeds, and planting seeds
When suddenly I woke up, and started doing bad deeds
I gave warnings by trembling, rumbling for them to flee
But 2000-year-old city was used to these, you see
I gave them one last chance to escape and to hide
Unfortunately, by my rules they did not abide
Abruptly a grey and colossal cloud rose towards the sky
And that finally caught everybody’s shocked eye
Pumice and ash and molten lava continued to drop
I pelted the house roofs right on the top
I just continued to strike, smash, hit and to fall
Unabating, relentlessly , unremittingly for 19 hours in all
People desperately wanted to escape, to run and to flee
But in those days cars weren’t invented you see
They were petrified of the lava that came out of me
And I just buried them with a hearty glee
They ran wildly “helter-skelter”
Wailing and screaming trying to find shelter
While my insides kept rumbling and steaming
Destroy them! Destroy them! My mind kept scheming
My super-heated guts of gas and ash churned
Till all the people left were asphyxiated and burned
I annihilated and obliterated, the once Great city
Till not a soul was left, Oh! Oh! What a pity!
It had been wiped and from the face of the Earth covered
Till thousands of years later, it got rediscovered
I don't know why my poem came out like that on the post. In my real Microsoft Word version, it is organized in proper stanzas, of 4 lines each.
-Gauruv Singh
This is what I have so far.
Help?
Hands shaking
Engine roaring
Colombia shrinking in the distance
Orbiting the Earth along the path of least resistance
Breakaway from Columbia
Alone on the dark side
Touchdown in West Crater
“The Eagle has landed.”
Is studying vocabulary and writing the narrative our only homework?
Yes Nick, that's our only home work.
Which stanza should I get rid of?
Beating them out
Breaking them down
Tell them we've had enough
And chase them out of town
Counting minutes
or
The battle has been won
But the Cold War isn't over
I have a feeling we'll squash them
Like a bulldozer
Counting minutes
Yes Nick, its all only homework Gauruv-Great Poem i can really feel as if i was the volcaneo Charlie-whats your event i can tell
Yes Nick, its all only homework Gauruv-Great Poem i can really feel as if i was the volcaneo Charlie-whats your event i can tell
Colin get rid of the second one the first sound a lot better
Help! I need a title for my poem and a line (which is the title) to go in between each stanza my events the Boston Tea party and my poem is posted somewhere! Suggestions?
This is what I have...
Can anyone help me?
Man On the Moon
“That’s one small step for man…”
Stepping gracefully like a swan
Onto the unknown land
History has begun
Dressed like fluffy pillows
50 stars planted in the moon
Clouds on earth’s atmosphere billow
2 hours, 13 minutes; should be home soon
Pitch black everywhere
Twinkling lights show the way
Young, brave men took the dare
Imprints in dust, here to stay
Looking down at the blue and green sphere
Neil’s mind spinning thinking of what’s happening ‘round
Hip-hip hooray, having a cheer
Slowly but surely, a new life will be found
By: Lauren Williams
Hi, it's Cady. How's my poem?
Trouble As Heavy as Rocks
Like a takeoff launched the “Roaring Twenties”
Finding a bad deal like looking for pennies
This time stocks flew
Buying a stock like something new
Trouble as heavy as rocks
Using credit like flying into fire
Because soon the cost would be dire
In the clouds sat faith in stocks
Before long trouble as heavy as rocks
Stores’ doors became shut
Conditions now like a shabby hut
Stocks must switch hands
Worry and fear like noisy bands
Trouble as heavy as rocks
Mt. St. Helens as horrible as the crash
Wall Street came down like Pompeii’s ash
Great Depression began here
Soon normal life would disappear
Trouble as heavy as rocks
can anyone help me
can anyone help me improve on this
The race to space
smoke bombarding the launch pad
a space rocket full of anticipation
nine men that realize their chances
while there shooting up like a rocket
With the humongous planet in sight
astronauts were dancing merrily
moving different ways to get their suits on
while everybody had smiles on their faces
As Neil Armstrong leaps on the moon
the nation is by his very side
with the flag perched in his hand
It makes America proud
as the go back in the space rocket
they have a memory full of sights
while they rapidly shoot back to home
they are ready to be asked millions of questions
here is my poem
please comment
Titanic
Largest steamboat ever created
A devastating piece of history awaited
Unsinkable they boasted
First class people hosted
Sailed off from Great Britain to N.Y.C.
People in beautiful ballrooms sipping hot tea
People in third class relaxed
As the ship’s crew past
The Titanic hit an ice burg at twelve o’ clock
Everyone wished they hadn’t left the dock
Children and women crowded the lifeboats
Others clamored for anything that floats
Rowing in the cold as ice weather
Carpathia saved 705 altogether
It was one of the most terrible accidents at sea
That left us with all the great mysteries
i didn't mean to put great in the last line of my poem
Here is the rest.
20:17 UMT
Samples and samples
For hours and hours
Till Collins joined them on the crucial hookup
Orbited more till the time for the splashdown
12:50 PM ET
195:18:35 MET
Splashdown in Mid-Pacific
USS Hornet
Bekah, your title should be One Big Cup of Tea. Thanks for the advice about my poem.
Bekah you should do "drowning the taxes"
Kennedy- garauv if your title is the final moments of pompii you need to show not tell the title and have a hidden meaning behind the title too.
Kennedy- bekah or you could do an empty cup of tea because they poured tea Into the harbor and not much was left to salvage from that event
thank you all for your feedback!!
Here is my final copy of my poem.
Comments welcome!
destroyed is my city,
Dead are my villagers,
Flashbacks playing in my head,
Ashes to ashes; dust to dust.
Sloshing water jumped to my face,
Strolling back to my family from the lake,
Something tragic about to happen,
Into fiery death the villagers would leap,
ashes to ashes; dust to dust
Massive jet black clouds like fireworks,
Way up high in the sky,
My family; a needle in a hay stack,
Tears started swelling in my eyes,
A blur of black dust swallowed us,
Swollowed our innocent little town,
Darkness crept into sight; silence lurked around
Light blinked in the distant,
Ashes to ashes; dust to dust.
Mr. Buxton, what is the range of lines for the poem?
16-?
Colin, the minimum is 12 if you have long 8-9 word lines
16-20 if you have short 4-5 word lines
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