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Friday, December 3, 2010

Copy/Paste your poetry for comment






I just wanted to share with you Austin F's. brilliant way of integrating poetry into her narrative writing. She also ended her piece with the line.
Falling for the Nutcracker
As I collapse, my face hits the hard wooden floor in the dark, silent backstage hallway and my tutu is crushed. A river of pain leaps into my ankle, and the pride in my heart becomes a sense of clumsiness. The fall makes the black walls spin like an optical illusion. I can't even move my foot to get up, or a sting shoots through my leg like a bullet grazing through a deer's heart. It feels like my leg was just smashed by a boulder.


"Remember," I thought about Maya Angelou's poem, "Shadows on the wall, noises down the hall, life doesn't frighten me at all." Lying there, I am as helpless as a newborn baby even though I am eight years old. "How have I even ended up in this mess?" I ask myself.



33 comments:

  1. This is what I have....
    Comments needed

    A Zeppelin of Dreams
    Departing from London, England
    Lakehurst, New Jersey was were it was to land
    Stretching out 800 feet
    When the mission was almost complete

    At 7:25
    When the Hindenburg almost arrive
    From the Zeppelin ropes dropped
    The gas became flames and hopes had stopped

    The giant zeppelin lit on fire
    The bystanders thought it would be a minor
    35 out of 97
    Lost their lives and went to heaven

    To many people hydrogen was the reason
    But to others skin was what pleased them
    The real cause is unknown
    Even though scientist have shown

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  2. good, but try to use more figurative language.

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  3. here's what i have so far. . .

    Destroyed is my city,
    And dead are my people,
    Flashbacks are playing in my head
    Floating upon a cloud,
    Ashes to ashes; dust to dust.

    Sloshing water jumped to my face,
    Walking back to my family from the lake,
    Something tragic was about to happen,
    All the villagers would leap into a firey death.
    Ashes to ashes; dust to dust

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. the other one had somthing wrong with it
    I opened the doors to the crowd
    They poured in me like angry hounds
    Packing me the people knew
    That they were in for something new

    TV broadcasters with cameras ready
    Olympics had started slow and steady
    Opening ceremony at its peak
    All the athletes ready to compete

    The marathon starts with a boom
    And the runners go ‘zoom zoom’
    Of the block the swimmers dive
    To the finish they arrive

    One by one the paddles rolled
    Trying hard to get the gold
    Once done, they are recognized
    By the metals held most prized

    I closed my doors to the to the crowd
    They poured out of me like angry hounds
    As the athletes had there final pose
    The Beijing Olympics came to a close

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  6. Bennett, good, but much more figurtive lanugauge needed

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  7. Does this sound okay its what i have Mr.B said im on the right track........
    Night twinkling over
    Boiling men dressed in scars
    Marching like soldiers
    All ready to strike

    Wooden oars hitting water
    Piercing Tomahawks about to slaughter
    Tax being tipped
    King Henry can’t bear

    Scolding of tea splashing water
    Roaring of tax haters
    Cool air, brushes by
    Everyone replies a chattering cry

    Next morning tea floats
    So they ride out on boats
    Hitting the beverage
    There’s now no float age
    Taxes have sunken

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  8. This is my poem on Abraham Lincoln. Comments welcome! HOPE U ENJOY!!!


    Belonging to the Ages
    Here with my wife,
    Expressing feelings throughout my life.
    The theater was a monster;
    It was my killer’s helper.
    Belonging to the ages.

    Footsteps thumped.
    So scared, I jumped.
    Then, he pulled the trigger.
    Death flickered into my soul.
    Belonging to the ages.

    He jumped the rail and I felt his pain.
    The doctors tried to make me strain,
    But obviously, they failed.
    And all of the killers were jailed.
    Belonging to the ages.

    Goodbye World,
    I’ve had my fun.
    I guess that now in life,
    I am done.
    Belonging to the ages.

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  9. Beck - you are doing an EVENT not a person.. I think you are doing it from te wrong perspective.

    poets... you need to get rid of the was/were in your work

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  10. The Final Moments of Pompeii



    I know it's a few more lines than Mr. Buxton asked for, so I'm trying to condense it some more. This is my first draft



    Aug 24th, 79 A.D , In Italy, Pompeii, a city so splendid
    People did not know that their life was about to be ended
    They were pulling weeds, and planting seeds
    When suddenly I woke up, and started doing bad deeds

    I gave warnings by trembling, rumbling for them to flee
    But 2000-year-old city was used to these, you see
    I gave them one last chance to escape and to hide
    Unfortunately, by my rules they did not abide

    Abruptly a grey and colossal cloud rose towards the sky
    And that finally caught everybody’s shocked eye
    Pumice and ash and molten lava continued to drop
    I pelted the house roofs right on the top

    I just continued to strike, smash, hit and to fall
    Unabating, relentlessly , unremittingly for 19 hours in all
    People desperately wanted to escape, to run and to flee
    But in those days cars weren’t invented you see

    They were petrified of the lava that came out of me
    And I just buried them with a hearty glee
    They ran wildly “helter-skelter”
    Wailing and screaming trying to find shelter

    While my insides kept rumbling and steaming
    Destroy them! Destroy them! My mind kept scheming
    My super-heated guts of gas and ash churned
    Till all the people left were asphyxiated and burned


    I annihilated and obliterated, the once Great city
    Till not a soul was left, Oh! Oh! What a pity!
    It had been wiped and from the face of the Earth covered
    Till thousands of years later, it got rediscovered

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  11. I don't know why my poem came out like that on the post. In my real Microsoft Word version, it is organized in proper stanzas, of 4 lines each.


    -Gauruv Singh

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  12. This is what I have so far.
    Help?

    Hands shaking
    Engine roaring
    Colombia shrinking in the distance
    Orbiting the Earth along the path of least resistance

    Breakaway from Columbia
    Alone on the dark side
    Touchdown in West Crater
    “The Eagle has landed.”

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  13. Is studying vocabulary and writing the narrative our only homework?

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  14. Yes Nick, that's our only home work.

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  15. Which stanza should I get rid of?

    Beating them out
    Breaking them down
    Tell them we've had enough
    And chase them out of town
    Counting minutes

    or

    The battle has been won
    But the Cold War isn't over
    I have a feeling we'll squash them
    Like a bulldozer
    Counting minutes

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  16. Yes Nick, its all only homework Gauruv-Great Poem i can really feel as if i was the volcaneo Charlie-whats your event i can tell

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  17. Yes Nick, its all only homework Gauruv-Great Poem i can really feel as if i was the volcaneo Charlie-whats your event i can tell

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  18. Colin get rid of the second one the first sound a lot better

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  19. Help! I need a title for my poem and a line (which is the title) to go in between each stanza my events the Boston Tea party and my poem is posted somewhere! Suggestions?

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  20. This is what I have...
    Can anyone help me?

    Man On the Moon

    “That’s one small step for man…”
    Stepping gracefully like a swan
    Onto the unknown land
    History has begun

    Dressed like fluffy pillows
    50 stars planted in the moon
    Clouds on earth’s atmosphere billow
    2 hours, 13 minutes; should be home soon

    Pitch black everywhere
    Twinkling lights show the way
    Young, brave men took the dare
    Imprints in dust, here to stay

    Looking down at the blue and green sphere
    Neil’s mind spinning thinking of what’s happening ‘round
    Hip-hip hooray, having a cheer
    Slowly but surely, a new life will be found


    By: Lauren Williams

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  21. Hi, it's Cady. How's my poem?

    Trouble As Heavy as Rocks

    Like a takeoff launched the “Roaring Twenties”
    Finding a bad deal like looking for pennies
    This time stocks flew
    Buying a stock like something new
    Trouble as heavy as rocks

    Using credit like flying into fire
    Because soon the cost would be dire
    In the clouds sat faith in stocks
    Before long trouble as heavy as rocks

    Stores’ doors became shut
    Conditions now like a shabby hut
    Stocks must switch hands
    Worry and fear like noisy bands
    Trouble as heavy as rocks

    Mt. St. Helens as horrible as the crash
    Wall Street came down like Pompeii’s ash
    Great Depression began here
    Soon normal life would disappear
    Trouble as heavy as rocks

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  22. can anyone help me

    can anyone help me improve on this

    The race to space

    smoke bombarding the launch pad

    a space rocket full of anticipation

    nine men that realize their chances

    while there shooting up like a rocket


    With the humongous planet in sight

    astronauts were dancing merrily

    moving different ways to get their suits on

    while everybody had smiles on their faces

    As Neil Armstrong leaps on the moon

    the nation is by his very side

    with the flag perched in his hand

    It makes America proud
    as the go back in the space rocket

    they have a memory full of sights

    while they rapidly shoot back to home

    they are ready to be asked millions of questions

    ReplyDelete
  23. here is my poem
    please comment

    Titanic

    Largest steamboat ever created
    A devastating piece of history awaited
    Unsinkable they boasted
    First class people hosted

    Sailed off from Great Britain to N.Y.C.
    People in beautiful ballrooms sipping hot tea
    People in third class relaxed
    As the ship’s crew past

    The Titanic hit an ice burg at twelve o’ clock
    Everyone wished they hadn’t left the dock
    Children and women crowded the lifeboats
    Others clamored for anything that floats

    Rowing in the cold as ice weather
    Carpathia saved 705 altogether
    It was one of the most terrible accidents at sea
    That left us with all the great mysteries

    ReplyDelete
  24. i didn't mean to put great in the last line of my poem

    ReplyDelete
  25. Here is the rest.

    20:17 UMT
    Samples and samples
    For hours and hours
    Till Collins joined them on the crucial hookup
    Orbited more till the time for the splashdown

    12:50 PM ET
    195:18:35 MET
    Splashdown in Mid-Pacific
    USS Hornet

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  26. Bekah, your title should be One Big Cup of Tea. Thanks for the advice about my poem.

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  27. Bekah you should do "drowning the taxes"

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  28. Kennedy- garauv if your title is the final moments of pompii you need to show not tell the title and have a hidden meaning behind the title too.

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  29. Kennedy- bekah or you could do an empty cup of tea because they poured tea Into the harbor and not much was left to salvage from that event

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  30. Here is my final copy of my poem.
    Comments welcome!

    destroyed is my city,
    Dead are my villagers,
    Flashbacks playing in my head,
    Ashes to ashes; dust to dust.

    Sloshing water jumped to my face,
    Strolling back to my family from the lake,
    Something tragic about to happen,
    Into fiery death the villagers would leap,
    ashes to ashes; dust to dust

    Massive jet black clouds like fireworks,
    Way up high in the sky,
    My family; a needle in a hay stack,
    Tears started swelling in my eyes,
    A blur of black dust swallowed us,
    Swollowed our innocent little town,
    Darkness crept into sight; silence lurked around
    Light blinked in the distant,
    Ashes to ashes; dust to dust.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Mr. Buxton, what is the range of lines for the poem?
    16-?

    ReplyDelete
  32. Colin, the minimum is 12 if you have long 8-9 word lines
    16-20 if you have short 4-5 word lines

    ReplyDelete

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