DARKNESS A screecing noise rang whithin my ears. The sound of rusty door hinges scraping into them selfs that sent a high pitched noise into the air. I had no Idea where it was coming from, But it seemed like no other porson on the street could hear the ear splintering sound. The sound droned on and on, shatering my ear drums. Cleanching my head trying to block the sound out as my nukles went white. Swet driped down my face, I felt like mount Visuvious about to eroupt. My head felt as If the fuse for a Bomb was almosed was done. suddenl
It was good, Nick, but maybe you should try to read your work out loud to yourself. There are some sentences that are really easy to fix that have grammar mistakes. There are a few sentences in there that are really strong, and there are a few that could be great if you make them compound or something like that. Otherwise, it is very very good.
Please use this blog to comment on ONLY 'academic' matters or to answer a classmate's academic questions. You must leave your name if you comment. NO SOCIAL NETWORKING ALLOWED on this blog. Thank you. Mr. Buxton.
DARKNESS
ReplyDeleteA screecing noise rang whithin my ears. The sound of rusty door hinges scraping into them selfs that sent a high pitched noise into the air. I had no Idea where it was coming from, But it seemed like no other porson on the street could hear the ear splintering sound. The sound droned on and on, shatering my ear drums. Cleanching my head trying to block the sound out as my nukles went white. Swet driped down my face, I felt like mount Visuvious about to eroupt. My head felt as If the fuse for a Bomb was almosed was done.
suddenl
Some powerful descriptive ideas Nicholas. Look at your sentence fluency. Can you tighten up your sentence formation?
ReplyDeleteAvoid word repetition e.g. felt
It was good, Nick, but maybe you should try to read your work out loud to yourself. There are some sentences that are really easy to fix that have grammar mistakes. There are a few sentences in there that are really strong, and there are a few that could be great if you make them compound or something like that. Otherwise, it is very very good.
ReplyDeleteGreat Job Nick,
ReplyDeleteI loved the great description like: The sound of rusty doors and ear splintering sound.
Keep up the great work!!!
Also Mr.Buxton,
ReplyDeleteFor our narative we only have to write aleast 50% of it right??
great job nick
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great work!!!!!!
I think it's the full narrative rachel.
ReplyDeletescott
Well I want to see what other people say about that, scott. JUst to make sure.
ReplyDeleteAt LEAST 50% by tomorrow, but that is the minimum. Mr. Buxton said to TRY and get the whole thing done, though.
ReplyDeleteI guess I might as well write all because I don't know how much I'm going to write. Thks for your help anyways
ReplyDeleteTHe piece was pretty hooky, Nick. But you had spelling errors and wrongly capitalized words.
ReplyDeleteYah it has to be 50% percent. Mr.Buxton is going to teach us how to make amazing endings soon.
ReplyDeleteoh yeah thanks alex I totally forgot about that then I'm not finishing it.
ReplyDeleteOh and Mr.Buxton I don't think I'll be able to type my narrative out in time so can I just do from paper.
ReplyDeleteI think I have about 9 or 6 volabulary words is that ok should I take some out???
ReplyDeleteMaybe take out 1 or 2, but useing vocabulary words are good
ReplyDeleteTo: Han
Oh well thanks Rachel :):):)
ReplyDeleteCan we use the word 'I' at times?
ReplyDeleteOr is it banned?
The word "I" is banned but only for begging of sentences
ReplyDeletethks Rachel again
ReplyDeletewelcome
ReplyDeletehan
Do you know what font our writing has to be?
ReplyDelete1.5 spacing, comic sans, Cammile.
ReplyDeleteHan, if all of those vocabs are close together, it wont be the best, but if you spread them out, it will be good.
ReplyDelete"I" shouldn't be used for a starter, Han
ReplyDeletewhat size does the text have to be? is it 12 or 14? And where's Nakul? I need to talk to him about current events.
ReplyDeleteNever mind I went to an older post
ReplyDeleteHi guys does anyone know if you can have dialog in your showing not telling compition??
ReplyDeleteYOU CAN!!!!!!!!!! I think...
ReplyDeleteGo to this website if you need a scientific calculator
ReplyDeletehttp://www.calculator-tab.com/