Complete the narrative proof-reading sheet. Change your work as needed as you progress through each category on the proof reading patch.
Tomorrow you will be putting your narratives into a photopeach slideshow. You will need to select images that epitomize each individual paragraph. Start looking at your paragraphs now - What images might go with each one? If you can answer that question clearly, then your narrative is probably a precise seed idea, with a clear opening, a strong character, etc. Which image will you use at the end of your narrative as a metaphor for your message? Begin collecting these images on your USB for tomorrow's sessionFinish study link 3.2
You are welcome to use http://www.ixl.com/ and earn more rewards if you would like.
what is the user name and password for IXL?
ReplyDelete--George
Does anybody Know how you copy an image on to prezi?Thanks!
ReplyDelete--George
go to that thing in the top left hand corner of the prezi. Go to insert and then insert photo,
ReplyDeleteAnother thing, i cant find my USB. can i send the pictures to my email? Or do i have to borrow my mom's thumbdirve?
ReplyDeleteMr.Buxton here's my writing
ReplyDeleteNot the best but please share your opinion
ReplyDeleteD-Day all over again!
By Nakul Sharma
Dark clouds loomed over Woodgrove Condominium. Thunder boomed l the sky. As trees swayed, the wind kept on shoving me side to side. The clouds sent the sun to its dungeon as dark clouds loomed over the sky. An umbrella would have be useless because if you had an umbrella it’ll probably go flying than stay in your hand. Fifteen four-storey buildings surrounded Kevin, Johan, and I as we stomped our way through the rough stone tiles.
My name is Nakul Sharma. My age is 10 and I’m from the makers of the famous Chicken Curry (but I’m vegetarian). I have very black hair, a gigantic head, a tiny nose, huge eyes, a teeny mouth, and a round chin. My temper lever can easily go to the ‘ DANGER!’ mark and I get annoyed when people call me a nerd (I can be one… at times). My legs don’t like running and I like staying in my bed. My two best friends are Johan and Kevin is probably the nicest people in the world. They were considerate, calm, and patient. Johan and Kevin were the best people in the world during the incident I call the Jay incident.
Jay was a very good friend. He was a funny guy who always joked around until one day. That day Jay stepped out of his house and created pandemonium around Woodgrove Condominium. First, he punched Kevin, Johan, and I. Then, Jay started creating a group against us called The Exterminators. It seemed like an evil spirit had taken over Jay.
2 months later, The Exterminators were still out to get us. Johan, Kevin and were just strolling like normal people until I made a sudden stop. Johan and Kevin were wondering what was wrong. “Where it all b-began,” I uttered. Memories came flooding back to me. The memory of a normal cloudy day to the day of horror. Now, suddenly, I had thought about the dreadful things Jay had done to us and we had never fought back.
“And we had never fought back” I announced. Johan and Kevin thought that revenge was never the best option, but today I realized that revenge has always been part of our lives. I scurried fast towards Jay, but then I stopped and turned back.
“I know you guys don’t like revenge, but think about the things he’s done to us.” I had said.
“We’ve tried to make peace, but does he listen? No! So I’m going there to teach Jay a lesson either with you guys or without!” Gingerly, Kevin and Johan followed.
Anisha you could just directly put it on photopeach and save it then you can edit it in school? Just add the photos at home and do the rest at school.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHey Maddy! This is important. Today in book club we did not share anything, so next session is the one we do not have to prepare for ( unless you didn't finish the requriment for today). Also, next friday everybody will be watching us have our book talk. or as maya calls it, we'll be the center of the "fish bowl".
ReplyDeleteheh. i didn't think of that. Thanks a bunch nakul!
ReplyDeleteMr.buxton what was the [walt] for our writing
ReplyDeleteYou're Welcome! What do you think of my writing?
ReplyDeleteThere was no WALT I just wrote Personal Narrative Scoott
ReplyDelete'Scott'
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteYou have to copy the URL first then type it in on the insert thing, George.
ReplyDeleteAnisha just use another USB.
As I walk into my sister Radhika’s room I filled with delight because I am going to tell her about what I did down stairs. I stride in and say, “guess what?” but my sister just replies not now in a harsh voice. I walk out with some much rage building in inside me like I’m going to pop like balloon. I go to my room to calm down but while I’m stomping through I am whispering, “I hate you” rapidly, but my body tries to hold me back. It can’t when I’m this mad.
ReplyDeleteMy sister, Radhika, is the world most annoying sister some of the time. She makes me extremely annoyed when she try’s to go as slow as possible I go somewhere because she is trying to get in my head. My sister normally is pretty friendly on the weekends, thou she is a dull and moaning monster on weekdays in the evenings specially. She always gives me an evil glare when I ask her why she is so cranky, but she never admits that she is cranky. The reason she is always cranky is because she always has projects, essays, and whatever is linked to high school homework. My sister is a 15-year-old monster when she is around me. She gets annoyed anytime I say something dumb or something that has nothing to do with her. She’s not wrong I know for a fact I can get really annoying and pesty.
I plummeted down on my back bed and wondered about what my life would be like without her. I know it would stink, but when I’m depressed I do what my mind wants think and not what my inside feeling says. It would not work my life would be pathetic without her I decided to roll over and just read what ever was lying on my bed from about 2 hours ago before I went down. Luckily it was my favorite relaxation book Diary Of A Wimpy Kid, I read it when I’m not happy with my friends, a sports game, when I’m angry or bored. It soothed me out then thought I should apologize to my sister on my way there I thought of my sister except thanks to Diary Of A Wimpy Kid I let the move flow in my head.
After that brain video ended I thought about why I actually hate my sister. This is what I came up with. A horrible sister, I call her most of the time, but when I do I don’t mean it. She might not care about what I have to say she might call me names and I except that sometimes when I say something pathetic I call my self-names. That’s when it hit me. I realized the problem in this twisted relationship was I? I don’t care about what she does for me, like when I’m sick she takes care of me and makes me food. Radhika a great sister who does very good things but with a lousy brother who doesn’t care. I have 2 more years to enjoy her company before she leaves for collage so I better start showing her that I love her.
Sorry i don't have a title any suggestions. Aditya
this is another little trick of mine...A. set up an account with www.box.net - it is a virtual storage. You can access you files anywhere. you would just upload your files to your box. Then you can log onto to your box at school and download them from there. i store all my files in box so I can access them anywhere. Soon, we will start to use google docs that is the same principle
ReplyDeleteWALT: Writing a Personal Narrative
George - i sent you an eamil with it in full name 799 or 779
ReplyDeletesas123
Nakul - if you need to use so many (parenthesis) you are not creating strong enough sentences. There should not be a reason.
ReplyDeletenever start sentences or paragraphs with numbers.
You seem to have too much dialogue. it's too easy to say it with dialogue - don't tell me... show me
Aditya - first four sentences all begin with I
ReplyDeleteyou begin sentences with far too many pronouns throughout
you also have far too many 1 syllable words
Can you spot your complex sentence errors?
despite all these technical errors...the power of your message is palpable. Clear emotion is shown and it is a very precise seed idea. If you could improve your word chice, drop a few of the banned words, eradicate some pronouns and control your sentence structure - it would be EXCELLENT!...'if'
Maya- thanks a ton for helping to correct my piece of work. You noticed some things even Mr.Buxton didn't! Sharp eye!
ReplyDeleteMr. Buxton- do you also think i need to work on my character analysis?
i noticed them too!.. but i thought you might believe me if somebody else told you! ;-)
ReplyDeleteIs that a question you can answer yourself?
mr b if i read the book "the tugging string" by David Greenburg, could i put that under autobiography?
ReplyDeletemr buxton, you may not know it, but you just did answer my question!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteof course if it is one, Anisha
ReplyDeleteyour right rachel. that wasn't a very smart question. hehe.
ReplyDeleteHi nakul maybe change the 2nd 'loomed' to something else. It sounds like your copying yourself
ReplyDeletemay we use images from when the moment really happened, or is the task to find images of the internet?
ReplyDeletep.s. the reason i am on here so much is because while i do my homework i have this on.
Oops I didn't see the other loom thanks
ReplyDeletedoes anyone remember what the collage website is???
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMr Buxton, is there a way i can fix my account on IXL.com? Because they said that my username and password is wrong.
ReplyDeletethat would be awesome if you could get a photo of the rollercoaster when you were on it. I'm trying to find a picture but e never bring a camera.
ReplyDeletephotovisi
ReplyDeleteRachel, the photo collage website is called Photo visi
ReplyDeletejacqueline,your user name is jacquelinelee799 and your password is your password to log in with.
ReplyDeletethanks anisha
ReplyDeletePASSWORD IS SAS123
ReplyDeletemr b i can't find any picture for my conclusion. i am trying to find where the end of the ride is, but there are no pictures of that. Also the paragraph above that, where the floor drops. That takes place inside the shelter place, too.
ReplyDeleteThis is my personal narrative What do you think???The Adventure Costa Sand Resort
ReplyDeleteBy Han
Flipping my hair back from the wind, my eyes start filling up with excitement. I wondered if this joyful feeling in my stomach will ever end, I rushed over to the waves my dad following behind me. About to get soaked, I stepped my legs into the cold chilly water. The waves were acting like they were angry at me the waves crashed towards me making me sputter. Gently and carefully I tried to cover up my feet with the mushy sand. Being a ten year old and seeing this sight shocks me making me want to live here so, the beach, Costa Sand Resort is where my story unfolds.
My light blue t-shirt covered with sparkles matches my shining bias polka dot headband with my short pants all covered in glamorous violet roses. Dark brown hair is tied up high in a ponytail. Looking down at my old dirty flip flops that look very bland I mutter to myself instinctively. Getting frustrated when having fights with friends and problems becoming issues that’s me. Snakes frighten me with their slithery tongues slipping in and out, and screaming in my pillow when getting nervous. An incessant color of the sunset fills the whole beach making me want to stare at it forever. Running all around the sand I feel as I can fly into the air any second. this was just an amazing dream I knew it wasn’t, feeling my heart pound not wanting this day to ever end.
Stomping, and starting with my left foot from where I was sitting I stroll to a rock I find interesting. Fanning myself with my right hand perspiration, drips and rolls down my obstinate looking face. Listening quietly there are sounds of chirping baby birds and nests laid on thick, scratchy, rough branches of oak trees. Twinkling, sparkling clear salty water tickles onto my feet. The strong wind hits and blows all over my body. Crowds of people with different faces are seen all around. Waves try to grab my lying on the squishy sand but, scurrying backwards the waves were pandemonium. Plummeting onto the wet leaf covered ground I laugh being absurd. Swooshing and reiterating waves make it hard to see what could maybe live deep under the ocean. Seeing the bits of garbage on the use to be clean sand I start to clutch my fists, but also seeing the bright, brown coconut tree swaying makes a small grin appear on my face. Gorgeous sunset mixed with eye blurring yellow, orange and reds makes me take a huge, big sigh. Big, puffy clouds start to cover up the sun, and my adventure at the beach, Costa Sand Resort starts to now fold up as it soon becomes dark.
Not done yet
ok thanks! :D
ReplyDeletemay i use the same photo for multiple paragraphs?
ReplyDeletesorry about the password and for anisha just type in the begging of the ride becuase that's also the ending. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnisha type in: end of galactica universal studios singapore in google and you will find a picture of it but from the back.
ReplyDeletebeginning picture: http://amoreqiqi.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Universal-Studio-Singapore-Sci-Fi-City-11.jpg
ReplyDeleteend picture: http://www.thethemeparkguy.com/park/universal-studios-singapore/battlestar-galactica-human-coaster-big.jpg
end picture! Do you think i should use the first one for the beginning, or should i use the end picture also for the beginnning.
hi does anyone know how many pictures you need for photo peach
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRahel and i are talking on the phone now
ReplyDeletewere talking about how many photos to put on photo peach
ReplyDeleteDoes anybody know???????????
ReplyDeleteGreat narrative Han! I can see the image!
ReplyDeleteyeah han. as many paragraphs has you have
ReplyDeleteyay, I won a scooter for one of the prize award stuff for www.ixl.com :) I am happy
ReplyDeletenice writing nukul
ReplyDeleteGreat Riya!
ReplyDeleteP.S. is it a physical scooter?
Are GATE students allowed to go on IX?. I don't know what the website is, but it sounds fun and interesting.
ReplyDeleteand Rachel, you are now an official O.B.O.B.
ReplyDeletemy thing is approximately 2 pages.
ReplyDeletemy personal narrative
ReplyDeleteShould my title be D-Day all over again or Where it all Began?
ReplyDeleteAS many as you want Han and Rachel
ReplyDeleteI tried to correct the mistakes Mr. Buxton
ReplyDeleteD-Day All Over Again!
By Nakul Sharma
Dark clouds loomed the sky in Woodgrove Condominium. Thunder boomed across the sky. As trees swayed, the wind kept on shoving me side to side. The clouds sent the sun to its dungeon as grey clouds surrounded the sky. An umbrella would have be useless because if you had an umbrella it’ll probably go flying than stay in your hand. The Fifteen Woodgrove buildings, each four storey’s high, surrounded Kevin, Johan, and I.
My name is Nakul Sharma. My age is 10 and I’m from the makers of the famous Chicken Curry. I have very black hair, a gigantic head, a tiny nose, huge eyes, a teeny mouth, and a round chin. My temper lever can easily go to the ‘ DANGER!’ mark and I get annoyed when people call me a nerd. My legs don’t like running and I like staying in my bed. My two best friends are Johan and Kevin is probably the nicest people in the world. They were considerate, calm, and patient. Johan and Kevin helped me a lot especially after the incident I call the Jay incident.
Jay was a very good friend. He was a funny guy who always joked around until one day. That day Jay stepped out of his house and created pandemonium around Woodgrove Condominium. First, he punched Kevin, Johan, and I. Then, Jay started creating a group against us called The Exterminators. It seemed like an evil spirit had taken over Jay.
Months had passed, but The Exterminators were still out to get us. Johan, Kevin and were just strolling like normal people until I made a sudden stop. Johan and Kevin were wondering what was wrong. “Where it all b-began,” I uttered. Memories came flooding back to me. The memory of a normal cloudy day to the day of horror. Now, suddenly, I had thought about the dreadful things Jay had done to us and we had never fought back.
“And we had never fought back” I muttered. Johan and Kevin thought that revenge was never the best option, but today I realized that revenge has always been part of our lives. I scurried fast towards Jay, but then I stopped and turned back.
Kevin made a look as if he was trying to say, “Really dude?”
“ Kevin, we’ve tried to make peace, but does he listen? No! So I’m going there to teach Jay a lesson either with you guys or without”
Gingerly, Kevin and Johan followed.
nakul, is that a seed? because you said months passed.
ReplyDeletemr buxton can i conference with you again tomorrow?
ReplyDeletecorrection, may i conference with you about my writing?
ReplyDeleteWell a memory comes back after at least a month. I can't find another topic DO I HAVE TO START OVER!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteyeah I one a car and a aleey car for the prizes just in one day:)
ReplyDeleteYour title should be where it all began
ReplyDeleteokay
ReplyDeleteI accidentally printed it out D-Day all Over Again Oops!
ReplyDeleteOkay last improvement for Today!
ReplyDeleteD-Day All Over Again!
By Nakul Sharma
Dark clouds loomed the sky in Woodgrove Condominium. Thunder boomed. As trees swayed, the wind kept on shoving me side to side. The clouds sent the sun to its dungeon as grey clouds surrounded the atmosphere. An umbrella would have been useless because if you had an umbrella it’ll probably go flying around instead of staying in your hand. The Fifteen Woodgrove buildings, each four stories high, surrounded Kevin, Johan, and I.
My name is Nakul Sharma. My age is 10 and I’m from the makers of the famous Chicken Curry. I have very black hair, a gigantic head, a tiny nose, huge eyes, a teeny mouth, and a round chin. My temper lever can easily go to the ‘DANGER!’ mark and I get annoyed when people call me a nerd. My legs don’t like running and I like staying in my bed. My two best friends are Johan and Kevin is probably the nicest people in the world. They were considerate, calm, and patient. Johan and Kevin helped me a lot especially after the incident I call the Jay incident.
Jay was a very good friend. He was a funny guy who always joked around until one day. That day Jay stepped out of his house and created pandemonium around Woodgrove Condominium. First, he punched Kevin, Johan, and I. Then, Jay started creating a group against us called The Exterminators. It seemed like an evil spirit had taken over Jay.
Months had passed, but The Exterminators were still out to get us. Johan, Kevin and were just strolling like normal people until I made a sudden stop. Johan and Kevin were wondering what was wrong. “Where it all b-began,” I uttered. Memories came flooding back to me. The memory of a normal cloudy day to the day of horror. Now, suddenly, I had thought about the dreadful things Jay had done to us and we had never fought back.
“And we had never fought back” I muttered. Johan and Kevin thought that revenge was never the best option, but today I realized that revenge has always been part of our lives. I scurried fast towards Jay, but then I stopped and turned back.
Kevin made a look as if he was trying to say, “Really dude?”
“ Kevin, we’ve tried to make peace, but does he listen? No! So I’m going there to teach Jay a lesson either with you guys or without”
Gingerly, Kevin and Johan followed.
MAYA WE ARE GOING TO MR.KENNEDY TOMORROW OKAY!!!!!