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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Showing not Telling - Day 5

GENEROSITY

By Austin F. and Will H.
Slowly walking past Charlotte Latin School, CLS, I see big bins spilling over with cans. Wit ha concrete bed, trees standing like soldiers on command, and a vast blue sky, I (wish) I had a house on this street. A thought ran through my head, "how could they have collected so much, and where was it going?" Suddenly, a truck pulls up to pick up the canned goods. "No you can't take them away; I'm starving and need some food." To look at a kid in tattered, beaten clothes probably startled the dirvers, but they gestured me to come over and handed me over a can of Dole golden pineapples.  The can was like a precious diamond from the earth. "Thank you, sirs."I exclaimed.  They just turned around and with an ear to ear smile, headed back to the Loaves and Fishes truck. Seeing the sign on the truck, I hesitated. I ran toward them and gave  back the can of pineapples.  (Last line added for dramatic effect)

By Mary Elliot and Gracie
The smell of yeast and cinnamon wafted through the bakery's open red door. Every now and again, some lucky person  would stride out of the bakery carrying a diligently wrapped package. Everytime someone came out, I always wished I ws the one carrying the package. Day after day, month  after month, I sat right on the sidewalk next to the bakery.  One  sunny afternoon, a young woman stepped out of the bakery carrying her package. The lady promptly handed me the package.  Confused, I got up and began to take it to her car, but she stopped me, " you have it child. You need this cinnamon bun more than I do.


Only H/W tonight is to finish your narratives for tomorrow.

I am expecting GREAT narratives from all of you tomorrow. Make them the best piece of writing you have ever done... please!

WILF
  • Showing not Telling Language
  • Some precise facts about your person
  • Sentence Fluency
  • Some figurative and sensory language
  • Variety of sentence openings.

33 comments:

Thomas Layton said...

are the Buxtons paragraph on generosity going to be posted?

Anonymous said...

Thomas, We haven't done DAY 5 yet.

Shaw Sullivan said...

is "cotton" a proper noun?

Bekah said...

Sorry i wasnt at school didnt feel well and another long story....One question who won the author contest?And last, does this narrative sound okay?

“The Scientist of the Century”

“He could of added fortune to fame but caring for neither he found happiness and honor in being helpful to the work.”-Anyomous.

Born in 1861 in Diamond Grove, my early life was tough. Growing up, my mother was captured, and I was adopted. At about age 15, life was my responsibility and I headed off to a farm filled with lime green grass. At the time I never knew I would end up as the scientist of the century. It all started very few months after moving in to my unique farm.

June 5, 1904, Iowa

On a blazing hot day going out to care for my crops my cotton had stopped growing, and my nutrients were running out. Fluffy cotton soaked up all nutrients,and now none were left. Standing above the soil was like a million spikes beneath my feet. At the very moment I realized saving crops was up to me. “God gave ideas to me and it was my turn to sell them” that evening I looked at scientific theories my lab. I set myself to a challenge that night of figuring out a crop that would bring up nutrients up in prairies. Brown crunchy peanuts were the idea I had, from these peanuts, legumes, nutrients could build up soil as cotton has never attempted. Growing peanuts would be hard work, but I started so early in the morning it was pitch black. As I was planting peanuts I got looks as if I was a criminal in the land of farming. Steps thud past when i soon realize the only way people will grow peanuts is if i thought out of the box and found a way to use them.


October 9,1904, Iowa

Ding! Dong! The clock strikes as the sun is gone after long hours of work and many weeks I have 300 ways to use peanuts. Today was it; today was the day I scientifically proved my thoughts to families owning farms. From my planting peanuts a few weeks earlier bold brilliant peanuts had grown and grown darkening the soil each restraining day. Quite soon smashing, snapping, swishing peanuts fill my kitchen with 300 meals contained on a table. Tasting my meals bite after bite I realized I had done it, I had the power, compassion and patience to save soil and farms. Telling everyone what I had done, farms were soon saved, and so was I. Later on in my life after saving each farm I thought of more than 100 ways to make to usepotatoes, soybeans, and 75 ways for pecans. No one believed in me, no one thought I could do it, but I did. After living a victorious life, I died on January 5th, 1945 in Tuskegee, Alaska where I belonged; home.
~~

Bekah said...

Shaw its not

martha said...

No Shaw I don't think so because cotton is just cotton. It is just a regular noun.

Sophie Hardy said...

Sophie hardy 11-19-10
#9
nerrative
Eli Witney
Massachusetts were as white as snow. In a little three-story home that sits merrily in the frozen brush a child was born his name was Eli Whitney. From an erly adge Eli Whitney strong jolly. Surprisingly he showed intence interest in machinery. Sadly his mother died at the age of 11 and having worked as a blacksmith and inventing a nail-making machine his stepmother wanted him to go to collage. Having saved up the money, he finally entered the class of 1789 at Yale University and graduated in 1792 to the delight of his family.
Driving home from work one day he passed a plantation and noticed that the workers had no easy way to separate cotton from the seeds. Determined to find a solution, his mind started to ponder. He started to play around with colanders, wonderig how he could get cotton to go through something like a colander and leave the seeds. Eventually he came p with the cotton gin, but meany of his tries failed.


is this good?

Bekah said...

Sophie its good yet the main point of the story is only about 1 sentence u tell about his life and then the last sentence is the main point of the narrative describe a bit more about the cotton gin, what it does, how it works, what it helped people do, how long it took him to make it, things like that

Anonymous said...

Bekah, you, me, austin, and mimi won the competition

Bekah said...

Thanks Eliza! Congratulations to you for winning and Mimi and Austin

Unknown said...

Buxton class has not done Day -5 yet...so you're speaking a little too soon!

adit said...

I don't understand what Variety of Opening Sentences means.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Buxton, If you have a Proper Noun that ends in an 's' do you just add ' or 's???

Breck said...

adit, it means that the setences have diferent openings, like prep phrases, infinitives, or participles

Anonymous said...

in my last comment,, it is a singular proper noun.

Anonymous said...

bennett, i think '

eliza

Breck said...

bennet, for nouns that are not plural, just add 's.
i hope this helps

Anonymous said...

Yes breck, but it doesn't sound right saying the new york times's? WHICH IS IT???????=~)

Anonymous said...

' like i said before

Anonymous said...

Eliza, anytime it is a singular noun, you add 's. I'M CONFUSED??? =~)

Beth said...

Bennett- I'm pretty sure it is both.

Eg. James' cap
James's cap

-Nick

Anonymous said...

if a singular noun ends in s you add '
if it ends in something other then s you add 's

do you get it now?

Anonymous said...

nick the better way to say it is James'
but you can do it both

eg. new york times' would be correct

Anonymous said...

if you feel like you don't get it still you should look back in your noun's packet, so you don't get it wrong on other assignments:-)

Eliza

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU NICK AND ELIZA!!!!! Eliza, you only care about the endings of the word if it is PLURAL!!!! Singular you only add 's!

Anonymous said...

what? im not sure i understand your comment

if you have a singular noun that ends in s you only add ' right? james' and times'

if its plural noun and does not end in s then you add 's like children's and men's

Sophie Hardy said...

im stuck on things to write

Sophie Hardy said...

help

Anonymous said...

no eliza you are getting them mixed up. if it is

SINGULAR then you add 's.

BUT if it is plural, you need to see its ending.

PLURAL ENDING IN S- add '

PLURAL NOT ENDING IN S- add 's

Do you understand it now.

Anonymous said...

that is what i was trying to say

im afraid im confused

Anonymous said...

what if a singular ends in s and u want to make it possesive?

New york times', princess', james'?

help

Anonymous said...

Eliza, if it is a thing, you put 'the headline of the New york times' but if it isn't just add '

Austin said...

test

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