Today's Recap - Writing scenes that indirectly hint at a social issue
Generating Ideas: Humans of New York
H/W - ALL CLASSES
Read this scene. Write a comment at the end of the post saying what the author has done to show the social issue
Mentor Sample - What moves has this writer made? How will yours compare?
Title of Story: Draw on Iron Bars
The water splashes my face and wakes me up to a dreary day. It’s identical to the dreary days that came before and the dreary days that will come after. Luckily, the sink is only a few steps away from my bed, as I’m already not able to walk around the white compound by myself. It doesn’t bother me too much, for I’ve never been one to love wandering a boring white hospital amongst worried visitors and identically clad patients. The stench of fear, misery, vomit and generously dispersed disinfectant is enough to drive anyone away. Instead, I spend most of my free time watching the television. I reach for a paper towel and dry my hands.
My parents swear they try to visit. Whenever they repeatedly apologize over the phone, I want to hate them for their absence. That’s always followed by guilt. After all, it is my body’s fault for the fresh lines on their face and the extra holes in their shirts. They can pretend the holes doesn’t exist. We all know they do.
That hurts. To know that the thrifty fashionista my mom used to be, gives up the sales and night markets to doll up a ticking time bomb. That my father calls everyday on his way to work, as if hugging and protecting the cold orb will stop its foreboding ticking. Anyone in their right mind, would throw a bomb as far away as possible. I know this, while I watch them in their painfully happy facade. But I’m not stupid. Fifteen days turned to twenty-eight. Twenty-eight to thirty-five, and the money is still draining down a bottomless pit.
I glance at myself one last time in the mirror. Dark circles under my eyes. A dull, empty look. Pale complexion. Rashes. A bald head. I used to wear a wig, an expensive, glossy and elegant wig, back when I cared. Back when I believed my appearance mattered more than the itchy, sweaty feeling. But, what’s the point of decorating a prison cell? I turn away from the sink with a surprisingly smooth motion. Today was a good day. My mind wasn’t as blurry and hazy, and my train of thought was surprisingly fluid. Ish. Maybe I’d actually finish a few episodes of the Big Bang Theory without forgetting halfway the plot halfway through. I really have my priorities straight.
I rush back to my bed with my turtle pace and slight nausea. I know the steps by heart, and I keep my eyes straight ahead at the rows and rows of identical white beds, matching the white walls, white doors and white labcoats. For the past few days, I haven’t really thought about too much. Maybe it’s hard to think with so many tubes and annoying machines around you, or maybe it’s hard to think when you’re locked in your own jail of a body with the execution date labeled on your forehead. I sluggishly lay back in my pillow-lined coffin and watch as a nurse hurriedly buzzes towards me, hooking me back up to some leukemia-related machine.
Closing my weary eyes, I try to drift away. Suddenly, something pokes me in the arm. I groan with an incredible amount of annoyance for a girl who knew very well she wouldn’t have fallen asleep. The eight year old boy who usually occupies the bed to my left is standing over my body. He’s only just been admitted into the hospital, and I usually just ignore him and his restlessness.
“Hi. Um, I know I don’t really know you, the nurse said that your mommy said that you can draw really well.” I stared at him in confusion, I hadn’t drawn in years. As he shifted from side to side, I didn’t even attempt to save him. “Yeah, so, my mommy wants me to make friends, and I really like drawing,” He glances sheepishly at the floor, before procuring an object from behind his back.
“This is for you.” I glanced dumbfounded at the new notebook in his hand. Optimus Prime was staring valiantly back up at me from the front page. Feeling a little awkward and confused, I smiled and accepted the Transformers book. I don’t know what he’d say if I told him right now that I’d never watched the Transformer movies.
“Thank you so much,” I say instead. My tone sounds forced even through my own ears.
“I have an idea,” he pulls out his own Bumblebee notebook, “I think we should draw pictures to put up on the walls and you know, make this place happier. We can draw cars or robots or ponies,” he pulled a face and I tried not to giggle, “We can fill up this entire wall with collages,” his eyes brightened, “Oooh, and maybe, we can draw portraits of other people for money.” His wild gesturing stopped and he cautiously flipped to a page in his own barely used book. “I already drew one of you, you don’t have to pay me or anything, I know it’s bad, but maybe you could also teach me?”
I was staring back at a mirror image, well sort of, of me. A bald stickman with googly eyes and a wide, wide smile. Instead of faded blue uniforms, I was clothed in an outfit I wouldn’t exactly choose myself. A flowery skirt and a baggy yellow shirt. I covered my mouth, but this time, the laugh rang loud and clear. My gaze shifted to the boy next to me. The boy with bright eyes and a wide, wide smile.
A dam broke inside of me. Nearly toppling out of my bed and ignoring the sharp pain in my side, I reached out and tightly hugged the confused boy. We may be in a jail cell, but we can always draw on the iron bars and paint over the emptiness. Nothing’s to stop us, from singing, laughing and drawing. “I’d love to teach you!”
36 comments:
I think the social issues mentioned in the scene was Sickness. This is shown by the setting of a Hospital, and medical/nurture room. Also the rashes, the bald head all hint that she has gone through medical treatment. I believe she has leukemia, as mentioned "Leukemia Related Machine, and Bald/Rash". I think a theme is, 'Don't let diseases get in the way of joy.' With ending in a volta that maybe stuck in the hospital isn't as bad as she thought it was. Even though it still is bad, we should make use of it. The audience can be towards others who is struggled against a disease, and can give strength to keep fighting.
I think the social issue is cancer. This is stated when she says hooking me back up to a leukemics - related machine. This is also hinting at that she is in a hospital. Another reason why she could be in a hospital is when it says I know the steps by heart, and I keep my eyes straight ahead at the rows and rows of identical white beds, matching the white walls, white doors, and white lab-coats. These all hint at a hospital because the doctors wear white lab coats, the walls in a hospital are mostly white, so are the beds and most of the time so are doors. I think the audience is for people with cancer and telling them to keep fighting and not give up.
I think that the social issue over here is disease, sickness or disability. . Some hints at this were the way that he was in the setting of a hospital. Another reason was that he was getting hooked up to a machine. He was in a "white compound" which is the colour of a hospital. Of course, if there is a nurse then that does mean that it is in a clinic present. I think that this could be about how this character is not giving up while being sick and still pursuing the things the character likes to do.
I think the social issue the author is trying to show is disease/cancer because firstly, he's in a hospital and the boy says 'Dark circles under my eyes. A dull, empty look. Pale complexion. Rashes. A bald head. I used to wear a wig. That is showing he had cancer because when you have cancer, you usually shave off your head. It was obvious that he was in a hospital because the walls were white and the author mentioned the beds and a nurse. Also, I think another social issue the author was trying to use was poverty, because the author put this line in the story, "After all, it is my body’s fault for the fresh lines on their face and the extra holes in their shirts." That reminds me of poor people because they don't have clean, new resources, and their clothes have holes in them. And the scares means that they fought some tough times while growing up. Also, the parents couldn't come to see him often, because if their poor, then they don't have the transportation to get to him. The author also tried to show appearance/fitting in because, in the beginning, he said he cared about what other people thought so he put a wig t fit in.
I think that the author used imagery to explain what was happening instead of telling the reader what social issue the main character was facing. The author also showed at the beginning when the main character was washing their hands that the main character was getting a fresh start. With blank walls to fill and a new mindset, the boy and main character can draw on the iron bars.
I believe that the social issue was cancer. I believe the author real life references and facts. The author added the sentence where find that the main character was bald, and most cancer patients become bald after being treated with chemo therapy. Also the author put the setting in a hospital where most most cancer patients have to stay. Overall the patients author used real facts and references in his story to show the social issue(cancer).
I like how the authoruses the craft move of a metaphor to compare herself to a ticking time bomb. She also uses imagery " Dark circles under my eyes. A dull, empty look. Pale complexion. Rashes. A bald head. I used to wear a wig, an expensive, glossy and elegant wig, back when I cared.", which reminds me of a cancer patient, hinting as the broader social issue, which could be chronic illness or cancer. The author also uses the repetition of jail related things, like "prison cell" and "iron bars" to symbolize a feeling of constraint and being trapped. The volta occured at the end, when the main character realized "We may be in a jail cell, but we can always draw on the iron bars and paint over the emptiness."
The writer started the story by the character being in a "prison" which represents a hospital. The girl I believe has cancer and can't get out of the cell or pain of having cancer. The story starts out sad but then the character escaping with hope from a little boy. I think this can help me to show what my character is going through. But not telling what's happening. However, I think the author could work on doing this technique better towards the end.
The writer did an amazing job of "show not tell". They made the social issue, which is probably cancer, very vague. They hint at this by the character being bald, and the character residing in a hospital.
I think that the author did a very nice job at showing the social issue threw the hospital scenery and lots of description, but still let us figure it out throughout. I think saying things like "what's the point of decorating a prison cell," is a great way to show what the character feels without saying the prison is the hospital.
I believe that the social issue in this scene is some kind od disability or disease. They hint at the social issue by repeating hospital, bald head and many other images are painted. The author of this piece really paints an image for the reader and doesn't just flat out state the social issue.
I agree that this could be about a mental illness as the social issue. I feel like the second to last line "We may be in a jail cell, but we can always draw on the iron bars and paint over the emptiness." hints at a brokenness in the protagonist that could be illness. I like how it isn't super clear what the issue is, but instead the author used show not tell.
This author uses multiple craft moves such as imagery and figurative language to portray a social issue of illness and cancer and how it is viewed by its victims. In the third paragraph, it says: "Twenty-eight to thirty-five, and the money is still draining down a bottomless pit." This scene also carries a metaphor when it reads: "To know that the thrifty fashionista my mom used to be, gives up the sales and night markets to doll up a ticking time bomb." This is comparing the patient to the ticking time bomb, because soon enough, the time will be over for her, just like there is a count down for a bomb. There is a lot of imagery used when the author describes the character saying: "Dark circles under my eyes. A dull, empty look. Pale complexion. Rashes. A bald head." This creates a clear image in the readers' minds of an unsightly looking girl, and it is common knowledge that some types of cancer causes your hair to fall out, giving us the impression that the author is writing about a cancer victim. The author also compares the hospital to a prison cell, and connects it by saying how trapped the patient feels, but does develop change in the character near the end when she says that we can paint over the emptiness of this jail cell as she meets the little boy.
- Vidya
I think that the social issue is Cancer. The author uses a metaphor of a prison cell throughout the story. She calls her body a prison cell when she says "But, what’s the point of decorating a prison cell?" implying that she is trapped inside and cannot get out. The hospital walls around her are blank and I think this symbolizes her loss of creativity since she used to draw. I think the boy has re-introduced creativity in her life and through this, she will find happiness despite her sickness. She also uses domain specific language by using words related the topic of cancer such as bald head, pale, rashes, leukemia-related machine, and hospital.
I think that the social issue is kids with cancer. The author showed this by comparing the life in the hospital for kids with cancer to a jail cell to show that the kids feel trapped. The boy in the story shows that even when we feel that we don't need someone else to help us through tough times, we really need someone else the most.
I think that the social issue in this story is kids with cancer. I think when it says, "what's the point of decorating a prison cell" shows how a hospital is shown as the prison cell throughout the story and that when someone is stuck in one it is as if they can't leave and they're trapped. It just shows how broken the character is. But at the same time we see that in the end they say we should be decorating the prison cells, because when we fill our space with things that make us happy, it allows us to be happy. It gives the protagonist hope and faith for the upcoming future.
I think that the social issue is cancer and medical issues. This is demonstrated by the fact of how this kid is wearing a wig to cover his bald head. I researched that cancer patients loose their hair during chemotherapy (where they kill all duplicating atoms). This is used to kill the rapidly growing tumour, but as a side effect, the hair is lost. Also, the author crafts this scene by setting a great setting at the beginning: "the dreary days" and "the white compound". This makes me think on blankness and how everything is dreaded. There is also opposite meaning. The kid describes how it doesn't bother him that his parents don't visit him in the hospital regularly/often, but, in actuality, he is severely crushed by his parents not visiting him. There is a repetition of the adjective "white". I think that white resembles blankness by it being free canvas. I think this resembles how he giving no paint (opportunities) to decorate the white walls (his life). As you can see, the merciless disease of cancer has affected what he does and how he lives dramatically; therefore becoming a social issue.
I think that this author uses strong imagery to help bring across the social issue of cancer. I really liked how the author didn't just tell us that the short story is about a girl with cancer, but instead used the show and tell method to drop us hints throughout the whole story. I think by using strong imagery you can make your piece a lot more powerful. I also liked that she compared over and over again the hospital and the prison, proving how she thinks about it.
This writing is a powerful way to describe the protagonist suffering with cancer. It also has a side part to it. Whilst the kid is in the hospital his parents are paying the bills to keep him alive and to help get over it. This could cost a lot of money and the description of "the extra holes in their shirts" could describe how the family is losing money rapidly just to keep his alive. Another part was also "Twenty-eight to thirty-five, and the money is still draining down a bottomless pit" showing how their money is just getting used on and on until it just runs out like water going down a drain. The author also uses multiple imagery to tell that the protagonist is facing cancer by describing things as "I used to wear a wig". But this could also go back to traces of the family's loss of money by describing it as "expensive, glossy and elegant wig". If the family was to be poor they would have to take back this wig as it would cost them too much. The family would also not be able to visit their son if they had to work a lot just for the money to keep him alive. Keeping somebody with cancer alive would cost a lot of money to perform the procedures to help him get through the dreadful. Creating a side part to a writing that mainly focuses on cancer is incredibly amazing, you wouldn't see thing's like this is many social issue story. It is usually easier to just keep one thing straight so I applaud the author for making a story which focuses with cancer into something with a side story that you would have to dig for. Nice Job.
I think that the author strongly conveyed the social issue of cancer. The author represented the issue very clearly when the author informs the readers that the narrator/patient is wearing a wig. Cancer patients are bald because they loose hair during chemotherapy, hair loss is a side effect of rapidly dividing cells to reduce the cancerous cells. The narrator also describes the tubes going in and out of their body which also hints at the social issue.
I believe that the author uses the show not tell method throughout the entire story. The author never specifically mentions the social issue, but by reading the story one can assume that it has to do with a disorder or illness of some sort that led to severe problems sorted in the hospitable. Seeing that the character isn't able to walk on the compound by himself, I can assume that it is connected to some physical problem. Also, the character is wearing a wig, and usually cancer patients who go through chemotherapy - to help solve the fight they are going through - number one symptom is hair fall. The author uses imagery and figurative language to portray the deeper struggle individuals facing hardships go through. The author also intervenes a metaphor into the sentence, "To know that the thrifty fashionista my mom used to be, gives up the sales and night markets to doll up a ticking time bomb." The ticking time bomb, is to show how time is running out and when you least expect it, it will burst - death will arrive. The author uses imagery in the following line, proving that once again how severe an issue like cancer is, "Dark circles under my eyes. A dull, empty look. Pale complexion. Rashes. A bald head. I used to wear a wig, an expensive, glossy and elegant wig, back when I cared." To conclude this aesthetic piece leaves readers astonished by how well portrayed a serious issue is. Allowing readers to truly understand the struggle of the social issue - cancer. I will use the methods show not tell for my piece because that will enhance meaning and allow readers to interpret the text. My piece will compare in terms of imagery, and I will throw in many different figurative language. I will also research personal stories dealing with the issue I have chosen to truly understand what many people are going through.
The author of this piece skillfully uses symbolism throughout to develop the social issue (Medical Illness). For example, in paragraphs 8 and 9, the author uses Transformers notebooks ("I smiled and accepted the Transformers book.") to represent hope. He/she uses these items to show how, like a hidden compartment, there is light in the darkest places; you can only find it if you search hard enough.
The writer of this piece does many things to hint at the social issue, first by naming the setting, second by how the social issue effects the appearance of the main character, and third, how it effects the people around the victim. For example, the author describes the setting of the scene with something that all five senses could... sence, like "the stench of fear, misery, vomit, and generally dispersed disinfectant", "boring white hospital", and "amongst worried visitors and identically clad patients". Since the scene is written in first person, the main character decribes how they look in a mirror, with "dark circles under my eyes", "rashes", and "a bald head". Just before the last look in the mirror, the main character describes how he/she's family has been acting differently. The victim says, "Anyone in their right mind would throw a bomb as far away as possible" after describing how her parents are treating her like a prized possession instead of a "ticking time bomb". All of these subtle clues lead to one social issue; cancer (at least one that requires chemo therapy).
Sarah D from E/F block
The social issue the author chose to write about is children with cancer. They never say cancer exactly but you can tell because of the hints the author gave, for example they mentioned leukemia, machines, bald head, etc. I also noticed that during this scene the author mentioned 2 specific character/ tv shows, one was the big bang theory, the other optimus prime. I think mentioning the big bang theory is showing confusion because the show is about scientists and how complicated it is. On the other hand, it is also a comedy show so he might already be hinting at the end of the story when they realize they have to make the best of their situation. Although I have never watched transformers before, I know that they transform, just like the main characters mindset transformed. Also transformers are big and strong which hints at the idea of conquering cancer or at least putting up a fight. It is obvious that the main character's mindset changed, at the beginning of the scene he talked about his parents putting their time and money into him eventually dying, and how the hospital sucks, he even uses the extended metaphor of ticking time bombs and jail cells. This reminded me of Kobe's poscar poem because it was about making the use of the time you have because waiting till the end, won't cut it. Just like at the end of the scene when the main character decides to 'decorate the prison walls'. I really liked this scene because it didn't just talk about a major social issue, but it also had a main idea that even people without cancer can relate to.
The social issue that was portrayed in this story is childhood cancer, but the author never full out said it. The author hints at the social issue by using show not tell. Some ways the author did that was by showing the effects of cancer, like a bald head and being hooked up to the "lukiemia related" machine. It also gives us a deeper feeling and thought on cancer by constantly referring back to the prison comparison. This can help improve my writing by enhancing the meaning and engaging my readers more because then they need to find the meaning through the text. At the end of the story the author brings out hope in the social issue, "we may be in a jail cell, but we can always draw on the iron bars and paint over the emptiness." This ends the story in a way that even though the social issue is still happening, they have learned to deal with it in a different way.
The social issue is childhood cancer. The author hints at this by showing that the kid is clearly in the hospital, but not making it so obvious that we know it's cancer from the start. Another thing I realized is that the author used the title to show meaning towards the end, but didn't use the title to give away the social issue.
The social issues must be health care and that she is trying her best to survive and the author shows thins when she needs she nurse and when she is walking through the beds and the white walls.
The author uses strong and descriptive imagery to illustrate the social issue, childhood cancer or chronic illness. An of this craft move in the scene is when the narrator notices "Dark circles under my eyes. A dull, empty look. Pale complexion. Rashes. A bald head. I used to wear a wig, an expensive, glossy and elegant wig, back when I cared." Imagery amplifies the tone of a piece of writing to help connect more to the social issue. This craft move can improve my writing by painting a picture, setting a tone/mood, and showing not telling. It will also enhance the meaning of my writing pieces.
In the story, the author uses rhetorical questions and inner thinking to show the social issue of physical illness, or cancer. For example it says, “But, what’s the point of decorating a prison cell?” This line portrays the tone of the character in her dilemma. This accentuates the character POV on the social issue which is that cancer is debilitating and a bother. This also shows how the social issue impacts people around them. All in all, the use of rhetorical questions helps readers understand what the social issue is.
I think that the social issue is that this boy that has a disability or some sort of problem with his body. The author uses great imagery to show the meaning of this story. I think that the author is trying to communicate the message of how people with less luck have to deal with the consequences of life. Also the author uses rhetorical questions as well as inner thinking to show the social issue of disability.
I think the social issue is that he has a physical disability or illness. There are many powerful lines throughout this scene showing a deeper meaning to give the theme have depth or layers of meaning. The author uses imagery, rhetorical questions, and lots of inner thinking. The message is that people show how people treat others unfairly because of their disabilities. Also, the author uses imagery and inner thinking to give deeper emphasis towards the meaning of the social issue of illness/disability.
Faris H.
The social issue that occurs in the story is childhood cancer but the theme is to make the most of the worst situations. The author used figurative language and imagery throughout the story. The author hints at the social issue of childhood cancer by saying "My bald head." This shows that the child is patient and has to receive many medications in order to battle cancer. The tone of the story is dark and sad but towards the ending, the child decides to add pictures on the walls to make the situation more cheerful and to have hope. For it is not over until the battle is over. This relates to Optimus Prime, a transformer. Transformers fight battles to save the lives of others. The rhetorical questions helped me understand the social issue and how the individual was feeling during the traumatic time. The story is sending a message to others that childhood cancer is a serious issue that everyone should take closely to the heart.
I think the social issue is a child illness. The author shows this social issue by using lots of imagery and inner thinking. I think that this illness could be cancer because it tells a little about having a bald head and what it is like. This author is also using the craft move of show not tell. He/she uses this when they say, "Dark circles under my eyes. A dull, empty look. Pale complexion. Rashes. A bald head. I used to wear an, an expensive, glossy and elegant wig" This is a show not tell because they never straight up said she has cancer but hinted to it by using descriptive words to explain what it is like to go through cancer and some elements of it. These are just a few of the things the author has done in this short story scene to hit to the social issue of child illness/cancer.
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