I am finding it difficult to add feedback to many of your memoirs as so many of you do not seem to have your memoirs close to being finished. This is an important grade, make sure you are not leaving your work to the last minute!
Below are two sample paragraphs from Teagan's work. The first is an example of setting 'background' using the 'status quo' technique - She used this very effectively as an opening for her entire paper.
I have never really been the person to trust people with new things. I always try to think of the negatives and what could go wrong. I get this idea in my head that I shouldn’t do something; that it will be too hard or too dangerous. Over the past few years, people have told me I need to try new things. After a while I started to believe them and to realize they had a point. These are the moments I remember as clearly as if took place yesterday.
The second piece is an example of the type of 'reflection - learning - change' that could come at the end of an anecdote
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If you asked me two years ago to do something like ski down a black run, I would never have done it. I would have been stubborn and started rattling off anything dangerous that could happen. I would have banished the idea from my head before the idea even got there. Before, I was totally content with staying in my comfort zone. Now? Now I do things I would usually never consider. Now I expand my horizons. Now I am not pessimistic and worried. Now I do not let negative parts of things hold me back from being adventurous.
This is another example of reflection on an anecdote, this time from Isabella.
In a way, I guess I enjoyed the feeling because I just started to laugh and sing out of no where. I could tell that my mother wasn’t exactly thrilled that I had in a way “cleaned the toilet” when I had only cleaned the cover. But it was more than that, I felt so free (almost), even though I was cleaning a toilet, I still felt as if it was my decision and I had this sense of freedom. Shock, was all I could read when I saw my mothers face. I stopped cold once I had finished examining, I hated disappointing my mother. “What are you doing?!” I told her I was cleaning the toilet, but it was all Lidi’s fault. Lidi was my best imaginary friend, we did everything together, but somehow in the end I was always the one bossing her about...she didn’t mind. My mother looked at me seriously, sighed, and chuckled as she added “Have Fun!” I was confused in a way but grateful in how my mother would let me continue my “moment of happiness”. Sweat was dripping down my head but I couldn’t care less I was as a three year old having the time of my life! Puzzled, there was still this pit that I could feel in the bottom of my stomach. To this day I still can’t figure out what it was, maybe it was guilt, maybe it was shame, or maybe it was even just simply my knowledge of what I had done wasn’t controlled by someone else. It was controlled by a big girl. Me.
Many of you will start to see 'voice' feedback on your papers. Go to this website kaizena.com and follow the instructions to give the app permission to be added to your google drive. Doing so makes it easier for me to email you your voice feedback.
Hope these examples help!
What have you been complaining about recently?
Smile...you've no idea how good you have it!
