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Friday, January 29, 2010

Mentor Text - Geographical Features

     Enjoy this example of A+ writing. Look at the variety of advanced sentences technqiues used and the succint way the hook is linked to the topic sentence. Count the number of proper nouns in the text as an example of how to integrate precise facts.  Can you apply these elements into your own writing?

    The flapping wings of the brown pelican, Louisiana’s state bird, fill the air as it soars over the ravishing, earthy scented marshland looking for a place to land. Imagine a boot-shaped fertile land of damp, breath-taking marshes, and the ground is partly underwater. The state of Louisiana is truly that place. Louisiana’s unique setting causes a number of this beautiful, marshy wonderland’s terrain features. Because Louisiana sits in one of the closest areas to the equator, it receives ample sunlight. The three states that border Louisiana are Alabama, Texas, and Mississippi. Additionally, this spectacular haven is located in the Southeast region and in the East South Central sub-region. Louisiana overlooks the Gulf of Mexico, so this paradise receives an abundance of dreadful storms during hurricane season.

    One simply could not speak of Louisiana without mentioning its bustling cities. Not only is Louisiana home to numerous thriving metropolises, but nearly 75% of Louisiana’s population lives in urban or suburban areas. New Orleans, the most densely populated city in this beautiful state, is the 38th largest town in the United States. Baton Rouge, the second most populous boomtown in Louisiana, has reigned as the state capital since 1882. The third significant city is Shreveport; furthermore, it is the cultural center of the Ark-La-Tex, the area where Arkansas, Texas, and Louisiana meet.
    Because of all its marshes, lakes, and rivers, the state of Louisiana is often thought of as sodden wetland. In fact, Louisiana is one-third water. The rustling Mississippi River depositing into the Gulf of Mexico impacts both the geography and industries of Louisiana. The mouth of the river has changed the shape of the land in the south of Louisiana and improved the fishing industry. For example, New Orleans sits on land created by silt that the Mississippi carries. This beautiful state has countless lakes, including the rippling, 600 square mile Lake Pontchartain. The Louisiana coastline stretches 397 miles along the Gulf of Mexico. The Gulf of Mexico ranks as planet Earth’s 5th largest body of water.
    Louisiana cannot boast of the lofty mountains of Alaska, but soggy textured bayous, a common feature in Louisiana, are unique in the nation. A bayou is a slow moving body of water connected to a river, ocean, or lake. Either saltwater, freshwater, or brackish water, a mixture between the earlier two, can be found in a typical bayou. Historian Harnett Kane described bayous as, “A place that seems often unable to make up its mind whether to be earth or water, and so it compromises.”¹ Few people live in bayous, but they remain a beautiful part of the state.
    The low land is another factor that renders Louisiana’s geography unique. Although Driskill Mountain, the highest elevation in Louisiana, is just a hill at 935 feet above sea level, the peak stands as sky scraping to Louisiana as Mt. Everest is to Nepal. Additionally, Louisiana’s low point, New Orleans, is actually nine feet below sea level. This statistic explains why hurricane waves are a quandary in the city. Sadly, citizens are forced to make levees, walls made to regulate a body of water. The average elevation in the Pelican State is a lowly 90 feet. Wetland to the south, flat plains in the middle and a few lush forests to the north combine to give Louisiana very little altitude. The brown pelican flies down into a bayou, and lands on a bald cypress, Louisiana’s state tree. The only noise is the buzz of a honeybee, the state insect.

¹Louisiana by Suzanne LeVert
by Robert

36 comments:

Maddie Weber said...

Great Job Robert!!!

Mr.B.,
we don't have to make it 5 paragraphs like Robert, do we???

Maddie

Maddie Weber said...

I meant 5 power 2'

eemmllcc said...

no maddie we do not have 2 do 5 power 2s

-handy

Maddie Weber said...

K Thnx

Also, Mr.B.,
I am trying 2 find more info. for major cities for the state report, and do u think a reliable source would be the the official website 4 that city???

Thnx,
Maddie

eemmllcc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Juliana said...

Robert, that is amazing! I thought your power 3 statements were very strong! :-)

Juliana

Juliana said...

Mr. Buxton, to clarify is this what we're not supposed to have in our text:

-is
-you, I
-anybody, nobody, people

Is there anything else?

Juliana

Juliana said...

If there is I forgot.

Juliana

Maddie Weber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maddie Weber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Juliana said...

Okay, one thing is when you say the capitol instead of doing: " Topeka, Kansas is the capitol of Kansas," just do "Topeka is the capitol of Kansas," if you don't mind.

Juliana

Unknown said...

Maddie...
how many advanced sentence constructions have you used?

Have you repeated a ord in a sentence or a near sentence?

Evidence of GRAAB or SSS?

count how many times you used 'is' ! - rephrase and replace

Hope this helps :-)

Anonymous said...

Juliana HAS is one to.
Abigial

Mary Grace Parker said...

Robert, that is A+-mazing! I really liked the whole thing with the brown pelcan, and your power 2's were very strong. Great job!

- M.G.

Anonymous said...

That was awesome Robert your power 3's really tied together with your power 2's. You had amazing transitional words.
Abigail

Juliana said...

Mr. Buxton, I have about three is's and about two has's

Juliana

(is that okay)

Anonymous said...

Juliana I think that is ok but just see if you can change them.

®¥@₦ $. said...

who wrote this suzanne or robert


RyAn S.

®¥@₦ $. said...

when s tip your hat day

®¥@₦ $. said...

i ment to say when was our last tip your hat day

®¥@₦ $. said...

i really dont think that is ok cause mr b said NONE

Juliana said...

Robert wrote that but his quote was from a woman named Suzanne.

Juliana

Unknown said...

is the paraghraph due tomarrow

®¥@₦ $. said...

i dont think so MC
do we need to know the characteristics of the different kinds of worms

Unknown said...

i think you have to know a few facts for each but not every fact

®¥@₦ $. said...

THANKS

Maddie Weber said...

Thnx for the advice everybody

Maddie Weber said...

instead of using regions to many times in my writing, would it make sense to say landscapes, or terrains???

MADDIE

Maddie Weber said...

I missplaced that one page with the questions that are going to be on the science test tomorrow, so if somebody could please type them up on the blog, that would help me so much!!! Thanks soo much!!!!


Maddie

Juliana said...

Have a great weekend!!

Juliana:-)

Anonymous said...

Hope your powers don't go out!!!


Abigail :)

eemmllcc said...

Mr. B, on the knowledge and skills sheet in our green folder it says the state report is due on the 22nd but on the packet it says it is due the 19th

(when is it really due?)

-handy

Unknown said...

19th

Hayden said...

IT'S SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sarah N. said...

when is out fifty states test?

Unknown said...

in 2 weeks

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