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Monday, December 7, 2009

Brag Sheet - Midwest Region Essay

Below is one of the few essays that scored the highest grade in the recent class writing assignment. Read this essay 'very' carefully and look how effectively it introduced a variety of 'unique' facts about the Midwest in an engaging and interesting way. Also note the use of GRAAB and SSS. I did make a few changes in red as examples of how you can all avoid repeating the name of the region continually through your essays and the word 'many'.(Hint Hint nudge Nudge...This is an excellent example of  the type of answer that will be required for Thursday's Midwest Test essay!)

Explain why the Midwest is referred to the "Unique region" in the US

By Ryan Ensor

As the glaciers melt away, in time the hairy buffalo slowly trot onto the plains with Nomad Indians close behind onto what will soon become one of the most distintive regions of a new country. There are a variety of reasons why the Midwest is referred to as the “Unique Region” of the US. Impressive historical monuments can be found nestled across this part of the nation. The Midwest may not be home to New York’s Statue of Liberty, or Arizona’s Grand Canyon, but Mount Rushmore is known throughout the world and has become South Dakota’s claim to fame.  Mount Rushmore portrays George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, and Theodore Roosevelt. It attracts a plethora of tourists everyday to stare at the carved faces in the side of the Mountain. The Crazy Horse Memorial is as important to Indian heritage as Kitty Hawk in the Southeast is to the Wright Brothers. The Crazy Horse Memorial is a huge statue of a horse and rider, although this marvel is not yet complete. The Sand Hills, located in Nebraska, are three hundred feet tall. These monuments are just some of the many marvels in the Midwest.

Sports teams, hot air ballooning, and winter sports are all popular hobbies in the Midwest. The Minnesota Twins are as important to Minnesota as the Red Sox are to Boston. The Ohio State Buckeyes and Wisconsin Badgers are popular college teams from Ohio and Wisconsin respectively.  Alternatively, multi colored hot air balloons filled the sky as they soar during a typical midwestern summer festival. Hot air ballooning is a popular pastime for  residents and visitors to the area alike and is also enjoyed nation wide! In most places, hot air ballooning is scarce, and this is one of the reasons the Midwest is so unique. Additionally, ice fishing, ice hockey, and ice skating are very fun for winters in across the land areras bordering the Great Lakes. In fact, ice fishing is as uncommon for other regions as a blizzard hitting the Florida coastline would be.

The history of the Midwest is as interesting as the history of the whole country. Glaciers, huge frozen blocks of ice, once covered the entire Interior Plains flattening mountains and trees. When the glaciers cleared away, buffaloes and Indians came on to the now settle in the Plains. Soon the French came into the Midwest exploring and looking for land to take for their own. In 1803, The US concluded the Louisiana Purchase.

To conclude, the Midwest is unique in many ways.  Mount Rushmore, Minnesota Twins, and hot air ballooning are just a few resons. As the red, white, and navy blue Minnesota Twins compete in the World Series foreign tourists gape at the granite faces of Mount Rushmore. The crowd roars in triumph when the Twins win the World Series making their mark on history, and the tourists realized what a unique region the Midwest truly is.

61 comments:

CarolineMackey said...

Can somebody tell me what everyone did in class today? I was out sick!

Thanks!

Caroline M

Forrester said...

Caroline- We did poetry. Our homework is to type a 13 line poem about yourself on the inside and on the outside.

Ansley said...

I really liked how you integrated SSS techniques and GRAAB sentences in your writing. Awesome Job Ryan!!!

-ansley

Unknown said...

Mr. Buxton I can not get on google docs what do I do?

Unknown said...

Never mind I just got on.

Unknown said...

For the 13 lines do the title, name, and enter spaces count?

Sarah N. said...

Mr. Buxton,

My printer is broken so can i just hand write it?

~Sarah Neely

Sarah N. said...

For the poem i mean...

Anonymous said...

Are these good categories.... hobby's and sport? How many catergories do we need? For the Poem!!

Maddie Weber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I don't get how to write about yourself
Abigail

Unknown said...

Abigak, we need six diffrent categories. For your second question say that the catagory was personality you would write in figurative languege what other people think about your personality then you would write what you think your personality is. Ex. I think your kind so you would write that in figurative languege but then you write who you really are inside

Maddie Weber said...

Mr.Buxton,
did you get my writing for the blog, because I sent it to you but sometimes google docs doesn't work.

Maddie

Unknown said...

Abigal, also I think hobbies is a good one but sports would be harder to write about.

McCarthy said...

Mr. Buxton, do we need to label the topics on our poems???????


McCarthy

Sarah N. said...

Ok,

I'm also confused so what are some catigories that you guys are doing. Like for example i did as one of my catigories FEELING is that ok because i can't think of catigories that can fit in the inside (sub-title) and in the outside (sub-title)

So my point is can someone please give me several examples of catigories that can fit in both sub-titles
And once i have a few if i like any of them i might use them if thats okay...???

Thanks,
~Sarah

Ansley said...

Paisley,
You have to have 13 lines of actual writing, and that does not include the title.

Ansley

Sarah N. said...

Why hobbies????????




PLEASE EXPLAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Sarah

Sarah N. said...

I'm sooooo confused!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

What would be other good topics to do
Abigail

Ansley said...

Sarah,
One of my categories was hobbies. So, I've written about what other people think I like to do, and what I really like to do.

Ansley

Sarah N. said...

McCarthy,

We might, but i don't think we are because we are using Sensory and Figurative languge SO DON'T use TELLING use SHOWING

~Sarah

Sarah N. said...

Please explain...

Arn't we suposed to have the same catogiries for outside and inside?????????????

I might be wrong, but please some one EXPLAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Sarah

Anonymous said...

I am confused on the poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Abigail

Hayden said...

My topics are attentiveness, (people think i listen, but i could care less on people's opinions) ;kindness(only a select group of people know how "kind" I can be sometimes); intelligence ect.

Ansley said...

Sarah,
Yes, but you have 6 categories.
For each of those categories you need 2 lines except for 1 category that should have 3 lines. One of the lines for each category should be about the outside and one should be about the inside. I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure I'm right.

-Ansley

Hayden said...

Sarah-same catagories

McCarthy said...

Thanks Sarah!!!!!!!! Also I think we do some sentences inside and some outside about the same topic in one paragraph............ Ansley i thought he said 4 to 8 sentences for one topic.....



McCarthy

Unknown said...

Sarah, for my topics I did personality cause people might think I'm this but I'm really this then I did hobbies apperence spare time activites family and fav. color

Unknown said...

I don't get how Mr.Buxton would know which one is your inside and which is you outside

Unknown said...

McCarthy, but then the there would be way more then 13 lines

McCarthy said...

Sabrina, I really liked some of your topics..... can i use one or two



McCarthy

McCarthy said...

o ok thanks Ansley and Sabrina!

McCarthy

Alex said...

Me



Yes! Yes! Yes! Another A+
The crowd bursts into applause as the bassist puts down his bow
Staying up playing Monopoly
Crack! The golf ball hits the green with a welcome thud.

Little blond bros.
Eyes like the ocean; hair like the beach
As calm as a gentle sea

Carrying his intelligence with him
A great architect of the future
Snuggled up in a chair, reading into tomorrow

Gnats floating around him
Bubbling with outward excitement
Caring towards everyone around him
Alex


Is this a good poem?
Alex

McCarthy said...

Alex, I thought it was really good!!!!!!! What were your topics


McCarthy

Hayden said...

at least you won't be embarresed. My begginning is like your's, but i critisize myself in a lot of ways in the inner aprt. Nice Job(:

Unknown said...

Alex, the thing with your's is that it doesn't say what your inside is.

Unknown said...

Maddie... i couldn't access you writing... try and send it again please.

Alex.. little too much telling in your poem...could you make some couplets (x2 lines)rhyme...?

Can't 'feel' any difference between your 'outside' and 'inside' - is it with you... what you see is ehat you get?

Anonymous said...

Would school work be a good topic
Abigail

Sarah N. said...

So let me get this straight,

Our topics DO have to be the same on the inside and outside or can they be different?????????????????

I still don't get hobbies... can you have hobbies on the inside because i know you can have them on the outside...

Is feeling a good topic... like some one is loud and enthustiastic at school but on the inside he/she really builds up a lot of courage to do those things?

Also what also wait... now i understand

So hobbies could be like someone could think i like music but i really like soccer so those are like my hobbies

Music- trombone
Soccer- spring and fall challenge

So lets say you didn't know i played soccer would that be considered inside?????

...but then you knew i played trombone so that would be considered outside??????

Am i right on all of this?????

Also one more thing; Hayen, will you please give me some more clear explimations on 'kindness'

Thanks Guys,

~Sarah

Sarah N. said...

School work how would that work on the inside and outside?????

~Sarah

Hayden said...

Enjoy! Please comment



The Real Me

Acts like the burning sun shining on Phoenix
Shines in the classroom like a star on a clear night
Attentiveness of an eagle waiting for fishes
Basketball passes show glimpses of Chris Paul

Effort of a first grader lifting a heavy weight
The joy that Santa brings
Acts like a werewolf waiting to pounce on a prey
Clueless sometimes like a mouse on a street
A adult with no rest listening

A future mind-reader
Effort of a popular kid who cares about sports
A teenager with no sleep
The envy that is The Grench

By: Hayden
Hunley

Unknown said...

Sarah, for hobbies some people might think you like soccer but inside you like horseback riding thast was an example

McCarthy said...

wait, im confused now. are we supposed to have 6 paragrphs or only 3 with 2 or 3 lines in them????????????????? HELP!



McCarthy

Unknown said...

Mr.Buxton when you say 13 lines does that mean each little line or each paragraph thingy

Unknown said...

Also would you put your in and out in the same paragraph thing?

Maddie Weber said...

would this be a good poem?

Inside Out Poem

Resembling a cube, people see a square.
Some characteristics nobody would proud to share.

From the outside people see a ditzy blonde.
Yet I try harder in school than a featherless bird does to fly.

Rainy days blow through my skies when my brother stirs up trouble,
Undiscovered underneath layers nobody can tell my feelings, like an onion.

‘ Tomboy’ doesn’t fit me.
‘Girly girl’ doesn’t quite work, either

Like a snowstorm in summer, you never know what to expect.
Like the sun, always thinking of the bright side.

Like a hawk, always soaring for personal best.
Like a dog, always obedient, and at your side

Unknown said...

Mr.Buxton, can you have two outs and than one in for each topic?

Juliana said...

that is AMAZING maddie!!!!

-juliana

Alex said...

dOES RIDER RHYME WITH CLOVER? Yes, Mr. Buxton with me what you see is what you get.
Alex

Juliana said...

Is mine an okay poem:

On the Outside Looking in

A silk, chocolate mane dangled down my back
Coffee eyes like a cup of hot coco
Bountiful lashes as free as a bird
Rose lips tired from a talkative day

A sphere dribbled at my feet
The bark of the ball hit my racket
Pads of paper or pencils galore
Stacks of books piled tall

My heart filled with joy
My mind filled with determination
My soul filled with hope
My stomach filled with butterflies

I am who I am...
On the outside looking in

-Juliana
P.S. anyone can comment (PLEASE)

McCarthy said...

Wow! Juliana that was really good!!!!!!!!!!



McCarthy

McCarthy said...

Me, myself, and I PLEASE COMMENT!!!!


Crowding my face, brown spots are scattered on my nose, my rosy cheeks, and my teal mysterious eyes like cheetah spots
Fragile skin wraps around my small body like a warm blanket in the winter time
Blonde springs shoot out of my head in every direction

A hyena’s laugh; a smile shinning like the moon
Tears of frustration, confusion, and despair
Bright, red cheeks of embarrassment and worries of the future

The thrill pounding in my heart as the cold, rushing water touches my bare legs
A black and white spinning ball soaring into the large, hanging net
My stomach stumbling back in forth as I do a back flip on the bouncy, black circle

Just a small family of four, but when you observe you will see much more
Blonde and a loving person, the queen of the house takes charge
The funny, outgoing king is a great substitute teacher for some confused students at home
My sister, loving but irritating, wonders around the house up to no good.

The sand itches my feet as I step upon the beach feeling relieved to forget about the work and worries at home
The fall comforting leaves fall upon me as I sit in the lime green grass looking up at my house.

The aromas of the sugar and chocolate run up my nostrils as I bite in the Tollhouse famous recipe
The creamy, brown peanut flavor makes my taste buds explode with joy
Spices, steam, and hot tortillas make me feel anxious to bite the first bite

DO U THINK ITS TO LONG??? PLEASE TELLME IF SO!!!!!

Hayden said...

McCarthy- that is prob. 3x too long

McCarthy said...

Me, myself, and I
Crowding my face, brown spots are scattered on my nose and my teal mysterious eyes like cheetah spots
Fragile skin wraps around my small body like a warm blanket in the winter time
Blonde springs shoot out of my head in every direction

A hyena’s laugh; a smile shinning like the moon
Tears of frustration, confusion, and despair
Bright, red cheeks of embarrassment and worries of the future

The thrill pounding in my heart as the cold, rushing water touches my bare legs
A black and white spinning ball soaring into the large, hanging net
My stomach stumbling back in forth as I do a back flip on the bouncy, black circle

Blonde and a loving person, the queen of the house takes charge
The funny, outgoing king is a great substitute teacher
My sister, loving but irritating, wonders around the house up to no good.

The sand covers my feet as I step upon the beach feeling relieved to forget
The fall comforting leaves fall upon me as I sit in the lime green grass looking up at my house.

The aroma of chocolate runs nostrils biting in the Tollhouse famous recipe
The creamy, brown peanut flavor makes my taste buds explode with joy
Spices, steam, and hot tortillas make me feel anxious to bite the first bite is it still way to long

Anonymous said...

still really long only supposed to be about 12 lines
Abigail

®¥@₦ $. said...

nice job RyAn E.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sarah N. said...

Man after reading that whole thing not just scanning, RYAN ENSOR you did a phenomenal job!!!!!

Thanks that really showed me a good essay.

Sarah N. said...

Man after reading that whole thing not just scanning, RYAN ENSOR you did a phenomenal job!!!!!

Thanks that really showed me a good essay.

Sarah N. said...

Sorry i pressed 'Publish Your Comment' 2 times

Unknown said...

hey mr b. alex told me about this. its cool. i miss 5th grade so much! we have a ton of work and tests in 7th ugh and the math exam any way i sud get working on the project due tomorrow. be expecting more posts from me
-sally tate meacham

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