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Friday, November 19, 2010

Showing Not Telling - Day 3

Graham class did an excellent job today.


By Wyatt and Quin  (9)
The audience gradually silenced after a crazy applause that sounded like thunder. Good, thought William. If they liked the introduction, then the rhythm they were about to hear would ring in their ears forever.  Breathing in deeply, he began the symphony. The violins started with bows on strings which shocked the crowd with its beauty. The pianist, Sonja, was William's wife, so she brought more awe with her nimble fingers striking keys as swiftly as butterflies. Every living thing shook to the beat even the flies and mouses outside. The melody stunned even William who loved this creation of his own and the rhythm that brought him fame. It would pump in his blood forever.


By Mary Elliot and Gracie (9 1/2) - The perspective in this one is SUPERB!
The tips of Elizabeth's smooth fingers pressed down gently on my ivory white and ebony black keys. Elizabeth's soft touch made a beautiful ringing sound that seemed to come out of my soul.  The ringing felt like I was the only insrument in the orchestra. Earlier that Sunday morning, Elizabeth had polished me to perfection.  As we finished Beethoven's fifth symphony,  the volume rose in a cresendo. Suddenly, the audience made my heart soar as they gave me a standing ovation.


Don't forget:
  • Last day for your author lunch competition entries is Friday.
  • Make sure you have tackled the predicate and subject exercises on the blog for practice for Friday's test.

14 comments:

KTR said...

Mr. Buxton, are you going to post any other pieces of writing from today on the blog from our class?

Lilly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
martha said...

i thought mary elliott and gracie did a great job with description they deserved to win.

Bekah said...

here is my narrative mr. buxton anyone PLEASE feed back~ “The Scientist of the Century”

“He could of added fortune to fame but caring for neither he found happiness and honor in being helpful to the work.”-Anyomous. Born in 1861 in Diamond grove my early life was tough. Growing up my mother was captured and I soon was adopted. At about age 15, life was up to me and I took of to a farm filled with chartues grass. Although I didn’t know I would have a harsh neighbor, Mr. Jones, watching me every day.

June 5, 1904, Iowa

On a blazing hot day going out to care for my crops my cotton had stopped growing and my nutrients were running out. Fluffy cotton soaked up all nutrients and now none were left. Standing above the soil was like a million spikes beneath my feet. At the very moment I realized saving crops was up to me. “God gave ideas to me and it was my turn to sell them” that evening working in my lab, I set myself to a challenge of figuring out a crop that would bring up nutrients up in prairies. Brown crunchy peanuts were the idea I had, from these peanuts, legumes, nutrients could build again unlike cotton has never done. Growing peanuts would be hard work but I started early at dawn. Of course as I was out Mr. Jones saw me planting peanuts and said it was a strange idea and he was going to make sure everyone heard my idea. Cautiously I walk away.

August 12, 1904, Iowa

Brightness seeping in my face the morning sun blinds my eyes. Slowly, I wake up and had headed out to catch the newspaper, and then and there I knew I could do it even if no one supported me. Power building inside me I look out into the deep valley with no nutrition’s that need my help. Running up the steps of my house to my labratory swift trees whistled in the air as if it also wanted my hopes to come true and believed in me. Carriages creaked when I knew the only way to prove to everyone my idea would work is if I thought of a way to eat the peanuts.

October 9,1904, Iowa

Ding! Dong! The clock strikes as the sun is gone after long hours of work and many weeks I have 300 ways to eat peanuts. Today was it; today was the day I scientifically proved my thoughts to families owning farms. From my planting peanuts a few weeks earlier bold brilliant peanuts had grown and grown darkening the soil each restraining second. Quite soon smashing, snapping, swishing peanuts fill my kitchen with 300 meals contained on a table. Tasting my meals bite after bite I realized I had done it, I had the power, compassion and patience to save soil and farms. Telling everyone what I had done, farms were soon saved, and so was I. Later on in my life after saving each farm I thought of more than 100 was to make to eat potatoes, soybeans, and 75 ways for pecans. No one believed in me, no one thought I could do it, but I did. After living a victorious life, I did on January 5th, 1945 in Tuskegee, Alaska where I belonged; home.

Anonymous said...

Great job Bekah

Make sure you don't have too many I

Eliza

Is it a soar day tomorrow

Bekah said...

yes Eliza it is a soar day and thanks for the advice!

Bekah said...

yes Eliza it is a soar day and thanks for the advice!

Anonymous said...

thank you bekah

yours was very good

(great description too)

Lilly said...

I thought Mary Elliott and Gracie did a great job with their writing. I like how they used a lot description!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lilly said...

is our only homework to work on the narrative

Anonymous said...

and study!!!!

which spelling lesson are we doing

Anonymous said...

and study!!!!

which spelling lesson are we doing

KTR said...

Mary Elliott and Gracie's writing was amazing because they did something a little different by writing from the perspective of the piano.

Anonymous said...

spellinng lesson 4!! =~)

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