Feel free to post portions of your narrative for peer review and comment.
"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." Maya Angelou
Friday, November 19, 2010
Southeast region Narratives - Feedback
Feel free to post portions of your narrative for peer review and comment.
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28 comments:
Mr. Buxton can you put some practice of the subjects and predicates on the blog.
Adit, here are some ways you can study
1. scroll down and you will find videos and sites
2. on the back page of your subjects and predicates booklet there is a study sheet
3. Make the flash card (copying down is almost studying)
4. Make sure you study spelling @ spelling city!!!!!
hope this helps
Eliza Cotchett
Thanks!
your welcome
your welcome
Mr. Buxton,
Can you start a sentence with BUT.
Wyatt
What do you think about this......
Flight Brothers
In 1903, New York Times wrote that it could be another 1,000 to 10,000 years till the first successful aircraft is built. The U.S. army in area 51 tried to make a prototype but it was unsuccessful. People dreamed of flying but their dreams’ crashed until Wilber and Orville Wright came along. Orville and Wilber lived in Dayton, Ohio where they studied birds like a wolf stalking its prey. They got paid by their mother to come up with inventions and build them this helped them with their future ahead of them and encouraged them to never give up. Orville and Wilber Wright had two older brothers, Lorin and Reuchian, that where doubtful that they wherever going to create the first aircraft on Earth. But, Orville and Wilber acted like they where pieces of dust unheard and lost in space.
Orville and Wilber Wright worked until the sun looked like curter had gone over it, and when the only light was from a small black cats eye shimmering in the distance. Orville and Wilber Wright completed the plane eight days after the article in the New York Times paper came out. Orville and decided that they needed to go to Devils Hill in Kitty Hawk, N.C because of the great winds blowing. Orville and Wilber got on their horse and buggy and made their way towards it like a snail running a marathon. When they finally got to their destination it was time to wind the planes propellers witch would take 24 hours. After that it was take off time. The look on their faces looked both shocked and nervous that they had made it this far.
Orville decided to take the risk of flying the aircraft. He took off like an American Bald Eagle’s first flight. The beautiful baby blue sky shimmered around him. Beneath him was a never-ending desert of green like a carpet of green grass. The crowd started to cheer as loud as a mammoth. The fragrant of sweet cherries came from the tops of the hills where the cherry trees grew like trees in the rainforest. The sweet smelling air wiped through this hair like seaweed swaying in the ocean currents. Beautiful blue birds soured above the aircraft. This was truly a moment in time to remember. You may be wondering how I know all of this is because I am the Father of Orville and Wilber Wright.
By: Riley Davis
This is part one of my narrritive comment on it if you want
Peanuts Saved Soil
“Education is the key to unlock the golden door”-George Washington Carver
I remember what a journey I had been through to become famous. The spring sky on 1901 in Tuskegee Alabama was as clear as the ice on a winter’s day. I was sitting on my white, wooden front porch gazing out into the clear glass sky wondering how my neighbor and best friend was doing, James. James’ house was a brown-brick with a huge plantation, but something looked different about his cotton fields. The soil seemed to be very dry and not moist. Oh Well, I thought to myself. Looking around, I see James coming up my never ending drive way. He looks very frustrated, and upset about something. I wondered what it could be, but little did I know that his frustration could lead to something big that would impact us all.
I asked James what was wrong, and when he told me, I knew that he would want me to fix the problem, but I did not know how to. The eyes on James’ face looked like a puppies. I had to give in, I had to do it. That night, ideas were jumping around in my head like little jumping beans. When I went to bed, I remembered a saying that my grandma told me when I was younger, she said,” Peanuts make every thing better!” And with that, I knew what I was going to use to save the cotton.
Part 3....
August, 1903 Tuskegee, Alabama.
I shouted James’ name as I ran out of my beautifully painted house. 2 years later, I had successfully completed the ideas for saving the fields, and there were 300 ways to use the item that would save the crops! I felt like a genius thinking of using peanuts! Thank goodness for my grandma, or else James’ crops would be history. I told him that I had thought of an idea. He asked me if it was true and I nodded my head yes like a toddler that was getting bumped up and down by there mother. James jumped up and down like a little kid after they have successfully climbed a tree. I told James my idea about using peanuts, and his face lit of joy went to a look of sadness. He told me that I was stupid for thinking that peanuts would work and this time, he laughed. That night I was so mad that I decided to prove my theory and prove James wrong.
May, 1904, Tuskegee, Alabama
I had bought a plantation and grown cotton, waiting for it to dry out the soil. While I was waiting, the weirdest thing happened. James came up to my door and slammed and broke the chain that kept my door locked. Following him, was a group of people apparently angry and frustrated at me. I came up to the door, my hands shaking. Who would go against me, and let alone my best friend? They told me to just give up on my dreams for helping them and that I was wasting my time. But when I slammed the door in their face, all I could hear were noises like the angle telling me to keep going and the devil telling me to quit. My insides and ideas were rattling and shaking my body, looking for a way out. I was very frustrated with my best friend but I had to keep going.
part 4....March, 1905, Tuskegee, Alabama
My cotton dried out all of the soil, and I had all ready planted the peanuts. Luckily, they were working. James came to my front door and rang the doorbell. I was reluctant to answer it, for I could see through my window that it was him. Finally, I opened it and James to my surprise, said sorry. He told me that he felt really bad about what he did and apologized. I told him to look at my garden and see what I had done. When he saw it, he was shocked. Looking guilty, he asked me what the reasons for using peanuts that I had came up with were. They included:. Happiness swept through my body because I had just won my best friend back.
August, 1906, Tuskegee, Alabama
On a Saturday morning, I got a knock on my door. It was a news reporter from the Tuskegee Times. He wanted to do an interview with me about my peanut invention! I told him what we could use the peanuts for, and what the do to help the soil. He said that this interview would be in the newspaper next Sunday. The butterflies in my stomach started to spread their wings and fly. As I danced across my red patterned living room, I noticed a picture of my grandma. Thank you, I mouthed. I knew that this peanut experience was the start of a new life and new beginning for me.
Sunday, August, 1906 Tuskegee, Alabama
and the last part, part 5
As the rolling wheels of the newspaper boy squeaked by my driveway, I run outside searching for the newspaper. I found it, grabbed at it, and ran back inside. Frantically, I open it up with my eyes almost bursting into tears. There it was, black and bold and on the front page:
INTERVIEW WITH MR. GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER
Has He Saved the Soil from the Horrible Cotton?
The Answer is YES!!!!!
That was all I needed to see to be happy. From that moment on and forever more I was very popular. Everywhere I went I was always stared at but I was enjoying it. I had saved the soil from the dreadful cotton, and that’s all that mattered.
George Washington Carver: Born: July 12, 1861 Died: January 5, 1943
THE END
Riley,
some one has to tell the story....
if it's wilber or orivill, it dosen't matter if it's there dad who's telling it. You just have to have someone telling the story
here is my narrative mr. buxton anyone PLEASE feed back~ “The Scientist of the Century”
“He could of added fortune to fame but caring for neither he found happiness and honor in being helpful to the work.”-Anyomous. Born in 1861 in Diamond grove my early life was tough. Growing up my mother was captured and I soon was adopted. At about age 15, life was up to me and I took of to a farm filled with chartues grass. Although I didn’t know I would have a harsh neighbor, Mr. Jones, watching me every day.
June 5, 1904, Iowa
On a blazing hot day going out to care for my crops my cotton had stopped growing and my nutrients were running out. Fluffy cotton soaked up all nutrients and now none were left. Standing above the soil was like a million spikes beneath my feet. At the very moment I realized saving crops was up to me. “God gave ideas to me and it was my turn to sell them” that evening working in my lab, I set myself to a challenge of figuring out a crop that would bring up nutrients up in prairies. Brown crunchy peanuts were the idea I had, from these peanuts, legumes, nutrients could build again unlike cotton has never done. Growing peanuts would be hard work but I started early at dawn. Of course as I was out Mr. Jones saw me planting peanuts and said it was a strange idea and he was going to make sure everyone heard my idea. Cautiously I walk away.
August 12, 1904, Iowa
Brightness seeping in my face the morning sun blinds my eyes. Slowly, I wake up and had headed out to catch the newspaper, and then and there I knew I could do it even if no one supported me. Power building inside me I look out into the deep valley with no nutrition’s that need my help. Running up the steps of my house to my labratory swift trees whistled in the air as if it also wanted my hopes to come true and believed in me. Carriages creaked when I knew the only way to prove to everyone my idea would work is if I thought of a way to eat the peanuts.
October 9,1904, Iowa
Ding! Dong! The clock strikes as the sun is gone after long hours of work and many weeks I have 300 ways to eat peanuts. Today was it; today was the day I scientifically proved my thoughts to families owning farms. From my planting peanuts a few weeks earlier bold brilliant peanuts had grown and grown darkening the soil each restraining second. Quite soon smashing, snapping, swishing peanuts fill my kitchen with 300 meals contained on a table. Tasting my meals bite after bite I realized I had done it, I had the power, compassion and patience to save soil and farms. Telling everyone what I had done, farms were soon saved, and so was I. Later on in my life after saving each farm I thought of more than 100 was to make to eat potatoes, soybeans, and 75 ways for pecans. No one believed in me, no one thought I could do it, but I did. After living a victorious life, I did on January 5th, 1945 in Tuskegee, Alaska where I belonged; hom
Yours is soooooo good Lauren, you never got off topic!
Does anybody know if it is a soar day tomorrow.
yes, Adit
lauren yours is good but............. it seems as if the wife faced all the frustration that james did youre telling the story from the wifes view yet, its James emotions, feelings, and anger other than that its good but alos remember to have storng sentence fluency ,dont start a sentence with 'i'~ Bekah
Mr. Buxton i found a good simile song its called "simile song" and its sung by the same person that does the "subject and predicate" the link is ~~~~~http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkMKaGLmkzk&feature=channel~~~~ only half of it is a song the rest is really random
bekah, the perspective is from george him self, not his wife and yes I did not forget the i thing.
eliza, thanks soooo much
Lauren reading yours its from the wifes prespective
It tomorrow a soar day??
Catie it is.
thank you
By the way wyatt your narritve we heard in class was fantastic. All the detail was amazing. Spectacular job.
What do you think of this paragraph?
Giant wisps of steam began bellowing out into the air, propellers started to turn, and the first steamboat began gliding across the water like a graceful swan. It all started in1801, when I noticed that Robert Fulton, an engineer and scientist, successfully completed an experimental submarine. His mechanical design was impressive, so I shared my dream of a steamboat design. Luckily, I was able to convince him to return to America with me to work on the idea.
perfect lindsay
very descriptive
Great Lindsay, good desceiption, but is that your whole story?
No Thomas, this is only one paragraph in my writing, but thanks for your comment.
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